All across the gaming world, there is a new fad sweeping the cultish
group of nearsighted dorks who make up the gaming culture. Long accustomed
to the relative realistic nature and high-tech graphics of Mortal Kombat
and the game that's not quite Mortal Kombat in order to avoid legal issues,
today's gamers have found their latest inspiration in... the past.
"'Mike Tyson Boxing' is just awesome, it's so much like what I'd expect
were I to get in the ring myself," enthused Harley Meanderhall, 13, of
Point Jackson, Oklahoma. "And 'Space Invaders' beats the pants off
anything in that stupid 'Independence Day' movie!"
"Really, nothing's better than sitting down for an afternoon of 'Tetris'
and nachos," piped in Arnold Yuntz, 14, who lives next door.
Other young people with an aversion to the sun are beginning to embrace
the games of their older brothers, aunts and uncles, step-cousins, or even
parents in this new millennium. But what accounts for the sudden
interest in "Donkey Kong" or the worldwide phenomenon know as "Galaga-mania?"
According to Harvard psychology student (and part-time pizza delivery
boy) Dr. Nathan R. Hardy, the appeal for older relics of the video age
has to do with the very desensitization they experienced with X-Box, Playstation,
and other more advanced gaming software. "The kids today, they've
had their fill of going through post-apocalyptic nightmarish worlds, where
their only defense is a handy air-to-ground rocket launcher and enough
ammo to supply the Armies of Despair in the world of 'Doom,'" Hardy explained
while delivering a supreme pizza to a Mr. I.P. Freely in an abandoned field.
"They want the simplicity, the freedom, the overall innocence of the 'Duckhunt'
and 'Pac Man' and... hey, there's no house here... fucking jokers."
This desire for retro is not unique to the gaming culture, however.
Back in the early 90s, for instance, grunge rock sought to remind everyone
how awful Seventies rock was, and the Reagan Era was marked with a nostalgia
for the oppressive, McCarthy-era intolerance of the Fifties. But
the gamers are unique in the sense that they do have some cognitive remembrance
of the games they now embrace from their youths.
"My dad used to play 'Super Mario' and 'Cecil Fielder's Home Run Derby'
on his old Nintendo when I was a kid," says Harry Fankel, 15. "I
remember that stuff, I thought it was corny until I found his old Atari
one day. There was this game called 'Ms. Pac Man' and it just blew
my mind. I thought it was the shit, but I didn't tell my buds about
that. I thought they would laugh at me.
"Now, though," Fankel continued, "we get together every weekend for
marathons of 'Tetris' and 'Ping Pong.' It's pretty cool."
Pretty cool indeed. But will this sudden remembrance of things
past lead to a revival for board games of yore, such as Monopoly, Battleship,
and Electronic Battleship?
"Old games are the wave of the future," Dr. Hardy declared after cursing
at the obvious ruse played on him by some local teens. "I would bet
my money on a new wave of Twister-related injuries to hit metropolitan
emergency rooms, however. It's not all fun and games."
Until then, it would be safe to assume that countless teenage losers
will throw aside their "Grand Theft Auto" in favor of the simpler pleasures
of "Asteroids." And a renewed interest in Sonic the Hedgehog cannot
be far behind.
- Trevor
