You want to know what's got me in such a fit I can't shit for sitting still on the toilet?  Well, I'll tell ya, but don't say I didn't warn you...

Sean Hannity: how'd this fuckwit get a TV show?  Yeah, sure, Fox is full of blowhard chunkheads, but this shithead is just about the worst.  He puts out a new book about "fighting terrorism and liberalism."  What exactly is a "liberal," Sean?  Specifically a "Hollywood liberal?"  Is that code for "Jew?"  Funny, you sure look a lot like Adolph in your cover photo.  And your network keeps replaying the boob of...

Janet Jackson: What's the phrase I'm thinking of when I see your stunt on the Superbowl?  Oh yeah: DESPERATE OLD HAG!  Listen, Janet baby, I would've sworn you were the one non-fucked-up member of your family (and that's saying a lot), but I take it you just couldn't bear the thought of being left out of the Jackson Family Circus.  I hope those two seconds of flabby nipple were worth it, honey, because the FCC is coming down on...

Howard Stern: Sure, he hasn't had an original thought in years, all he does is drool over slutty soon-to-be-strippers-at-the-club-near-LaGuardia, but that's what he's known for.  So all of a sudden, thanks to the flashing bitch up above, the FCC has decided to FINALLY crack down on him?  Give me a fucking break, assholes.  The FCC is just another tool of...

George W. Bush: "Slippery When Wet" Version 2.04 isn't terribly bright, to be sure, but this whole constitutional ban on gay marriage is too much.  And no, I don't subscribe to the "Boy George Fan Club," but it's been so long since I got any that I'm envious of ANYBODY doing so.  Live and let live, just don't offer to give me a hand at the urinal and we'll be alright.  But banning the idea of marriage altogether is just plain bigoted.  There's no way to get around it, especially as it comes from...

Pat Robertson: Evil Incarnate just pisses me off naturally, he gives the Klan a bad name.  The way he's been hyping the "Passion of the Christ II: This Time It's Personal" just seems odd.  After all, Pat, don't you hate these "violent Hollywood" films?  What the fuck you think is in "Passion", a peaceful romp in the park?  Jesus was a good guy, all in all, but all these jackasses who've disagreed over what he said, how he said it, and so on have pretty much ruined Western Civilization and leaving the door open for...

The Academy Awards: Oh, let's not talk bad 'bout President Jackass... oh, let's not worry about no five-second delay... oh, thank God Tim Robbins didn't use his award to rage against Bush... oh that was incredibly boring for...

Me: I got a free week off, I have three tests next week at school, and all this shit has distracted me from getting any goddam studying done.  If I flunk out, I'm coming for you, Hannity!...

- Trevor