Hola, todos de mis amigos, y welcome to another lesson of inglés significance!  Habias mucho siléncio from me over the past few months, y lo siento much for that, since it is always apparent que los gringos need much help in the arena of learning how to speak their own language.  So here estoy once again to teach you, cabrones!

I enjoyed your article - I can't believe you missed this one, however.  San Jose, Illinois is pronounced "San Jose" (the "jose" rhymes with "close").  Anyone not from Illinois would pronounce this "San Hose-Ay".  Also, Bourbonnais, IL was long pronounced by the locals as "Ber - bone - us".  However, I believer saner heads are now prevaling and it is swinging to "Bourbon-Ay".

In Minnesota, there is a town called Montevideo, which they pronounce Monti - VID' eo instead of monti -vid-AY'-o

Maybe you could also explain sometime why the state is Arkansas (as pronounced ArK an saw) while the river is pronounced Ark -an - sas.

Dios mio, this really happens?  This is truly news that would cause a burro's head to congeal!  I thank you for pointing out más nombres que los gringos say incorrectly; however, I have nunca heard anyone refer to the rio as "Ar-kan-sas," only "-saw."  También, you missed a period on one of your sentences y veo que people still haven't learned to put periods inside the quotation marks.  ¿Por qué es eso tán dificil?  Otra vez:

WRONG:  Then he said "I feel a little sick".
RIGHT:  Then he said "I feel a little sick from the thirteen bullets Carlos just shot into my torso."

Oh, Senor Palabras, I have just found your site and I love it! You keep on trying to educate those who will consistently murder the English language! Maybe you can get through to them, because I haven't been able to thus far.

Senor, por favor, would you pass the following knowledge along to those - especially television newscasters - who continually mess up when speaking of my hometown:

I am originally from Silver Spring, Maryland, near Washington, DC, our nation's capital.  That's right, folks, Silver Spring, singular.  Silver Springs, plural, is a city in Florida, which is far from Washington, DC, our nation's capital.  It's not hard, people, so get it right!

Just because algo no es dificil doesn't mean that the gringos will get it right.  Remember, todos de los gringos son pendejos.

1.) Out of curiosity, have you ever heard of the interrobang? I understand that in Spanish (I dislike that word), one inverts the punctuation at the beginning of an interrogative or exclamatory sentence. Is there any suitable reason for this? My conclusion is that one can distinguish the stress necessary to enunciate the sentence beforehand without having to look at the end of it. But of course, that's just a theory. One that I am sure you can answer.

2.) Why do you consider English inferior to Spanish?

3.) Which of the two previously mentioned languages, in your opinion, is the easiest to learn? Or have you always just incorporated the two in your daily speech? If so, I admire that quality. It is a good thing when one can use both languages interchangeably. I have recently taken up a Spanish class in escuela and am looking forward to speaking it in the correct syntax.

Hola, muchacho, and thanks for the carta.  Allow me to answer sus preguntas con the furor of a drunken giraffe:

1 - You are correct, amigo.  The punctuation lets you know what inflection usar sin reading the whole sentence.

2 - Muy facíl:  porque los mejicanos speak español while gringos speak inglés.

3 - Español is más easy to learn porque the rules are more uniform, and los letras are always said the same.  Inglés has many conflicting rules and words which are pronounced in bizarre manners.  Recuerda, gringos are already muy, muy estupidos and cannot possibly master such difficulties.

hi - i came across your email address while doing a search on google for the phrase *ay caramba* - the thing is, a friend of mine insists that *hay caramba* is the correct spelling for the phrase.... i've always thought it was *ay caramba* - are both correct? if not, which is correct?  i'd really appreciate it if you could clear this up for me... thanks so much.

I have made the list of google searches?  Si yo had any idea que signífica, I would be pleased.  Su amigo es un puerco, as it is well known that the correct spelling is "ay" and not "hay," which means roughly "there are."  Diga su amigo to do the dance of the happy sailor at your next encounter.

I know that you are trying to teach us english, but I have a question about spanish.  When writing the date, is it correct to write "hoy es el 27 de marzo de 2003" or "hoy es el 27 de marzo del 2003?"  Maybe you can find some errors in my letter too, and then you can learn me how to spoke good.  :)

P.S. I love your web page.  I have learned a lot from it.

Ja, ja, this is muy divertido, this little funny speaking of yours!  As we all know, no gringo ever learns nada.  Anyway, when escribiendo la fecha, you wouldn't use "hoy es" at all, so your question is baffling as a three doored unicycle.

Matthew K. here. Recently, I referred to myself as "Mateo"(my name is Matthew) when speaking with a (White) co-worker who is fluent in Mexican Spanish. She told me that "Mateo" was Mexican slang for "stupid," or "idiot," or something like that. She said that I should refer to myself as "Matias" (or "Mattias). Do you know anything about this?

Yo sé muchas cosas, Matthew.  Por ejemplo, your amiga fea ought to keep her mouth in a closed position.  As she is a gringa, she is not "fluent" in any español, as there are many levels we keep secret from the gringos.  She is also completely incorrect.  Mateo es su nombre en español, y "Matias" means "one who listened to the advice of a mono."

Bienvenidos, all-knowing grammar bandito!

I whole-heartedly agree with you about most gringoes housing a brain capacity equivalent to that of a sea otter, just for the record. As for me, I care more about words than language, and that's why I often make up mistakes in my syntax, but I am otherwise a prolific speller and palabra-monger, if you will permit the spanglish.

I'm taking Spanish I right now and I am fond of the language's supposed simplicity as opposed to the ambivalence most people face when dealing with English. I heard somewhere that English is one of the hardest languages to learn, though I don't know if that's a credible conclusion. Regardless, I find it incredibly amusing when a person who takes English as a second language can speak it more fluently than a person who has it as a first or only language. Most people are too lazy to care, though.

I don't have a grammar pregunta, just a general question about español. I wouldn't know, since I haven't delved deep enough into the language, but is Spanish, under the surface, as complex as English? What I mean is, does it have as many synonyms, ways of expressing mood, and the like as you would have in English? Which of the two languages do you like better?

Amigo, on one hand you are saying things which make my liver melt to a pool of cheese, yet en la mano otra, you are sorely lacking in grammar skills.  It is not "gringoes," unless you are Dan Quayle.  Ja, ja, this is muy divertido!  There are two spaces following every sentence ending punctuation mark.

And please, most gringos are too lazy to care.  Recuerda Ud., gringos want to be stupid.  Les gustan being the most stupid people on the planet.  The also take pride in the fact that they are stupid.  It is a trophy to them!

In any actuality, it is good to see a gringo trying to better himself by learning español, the instant mark of intelligence.  Español es mejor que inglés in every conceivable way.  The only realy difficulty is that hay muchos different dialects.  Español is spoken in many countries and is slightly different (mostly in the slang) for each país.  In fact, there are differences even within the country.  It is el mismo como the way americanos refer to a cola drink as "pop," "soda," or "Coke" depending on donde ellos viven.  However, español is still much easier to learn and best of all, se puede hablar de los gringos sin ellos sabiendo de que se habla!  ¡Ja, ja, ja!

hey mi mejicano, i live in a small town in washinton called sunnyside which has a large population of latinos and the gringos dont like none of us not even the mixed you know half mexican etc. and half white they have to hang around with us because the white race dont need them so we take them in and turn them into one of us to the point that they are speaking and even looking like us.

I wish you can help me on this:  Why do spanish people say "bueno" when answering the phone? Or at least tell me where I can find this information

Thanks, Lupita

Hola, Lupita, or should I say bueno?  Ja, ja, I am kidding!

A good pregunta, pero we need to clarify first:  Spanish people no dice "bueno," they say "diga" o "digame," which mean "tell me" in the language of los gringos.  Es los mejicanos que say "bueno," which would mean "well" or "ok."  As in "Well, did you rob the gringos, Juan?"  The greeting "hola" is used more for person to person greeting, where as el telefono doesn't need to be as formal.

I hope this is what you wished to know.

Thanks. Do you happened to know when and how this answering the phone "bueno" started? Because a friend told me somebody had said that only ignorant people will answer the phone like that (in the gringo language "well or good"). What do you think about it? Thanks again.

Sadly, Lupita, I do not know when this custom came to be.  Puedo decir, though, that it is not only the ignorant people, o los gringos would also be saying it.

I can also say, Lupita, that si quieres join me on my "destroy the gringos like a Cheshire goat" quest, necesitas aprender inglés ahora mismo!  That carta looked like a gringo wrote it!

Que bueno, muchas preguntas this time!  It pleases me to see that gringos are writing, even though they are doing nothing whatsoever with the oodles of information I give to them like a dog in Maine.  Hasta luego, learn to hit that space bar twice or it will be "the time of the gathering and also the many, many bullets fired out of mis pistolas."

- Señor Palabras