Charlene from Oakland asks: "I'm concerned about the rash of shark attacks last year and wondered what advice Pete might have about how to defend myself from sharks when I go swimming."

Pete: "First off, there's twenty to one odds that you won't get attacked if you don't go in the ocean.  If you decide to risk it, however, be sure to bet against the point spread in the Eagles-Jets game (there's always an Eagles-Jets game this time of year), or if you wait until the baseball season starts, bet against the Reds versus anybody.  Of course, I never bet against the Reds, I always bet for them.  Please let me back in baseball. Oh, and be sure to wear plenty of sunblock, I'd be willing to bet on the possibility of skin cancer.  That's a little joke, about the betting..."

Carl from Galveston asks: "This girl I know at work seems to ignore me, but I really like her.  Last night she invited me to dinner, which was totally awesome.  But then she brought her boyfriend along, which blew chunks.  I was just wondering, should I tell her how I feel and try and take her away from her boyfriend."

Pete: "When I was laying down odds on the Reds folding to the Mariners in a doubleheader in '87... I mean, when I bet on the Reds to WIN a doubleheader against the Mariners in '87, I got real distracted in the clubhouse by this hot little number in the stands.  I was so busy watching her hitch up her skirt that I forgot to call my bookie from the clubhouse phone... which I never did under any other circumstances, and never against the Reds.  Dames are nothing but trouble, kid. I screw 'em, but I never let them get between me and a sure thing."

Bob from Pittsburgh asks: "I've been an alcoholic for 14 years, my family keeps trying to help me but until this moment I've never really fessed up to my addiction.  As an addict yourself, what advice would you have for me to help seek treatment, Pete?"

Pete: "Whoa now, who said I was an addict, huh?  Did you ever hear me say I'm 'addicted' to anything?  What exactly do you think I'm addicted to, Mr. Bob?  You and Faye Vincent, you're all the same.  If anything, I'm 'addicted' (and I use that word loosely) to winning.  I can quit gambling anytime I want.  Why last year I only laid down five thousand-dollar bets in total!  I should've known the Arizona Cardinals wouldn't cover the spread, that's my one fault."

George from New York asks: "I'm from Gamblers Anonymous, and I would like to be your sponsor, Pete, and help you come to terms with your sickness."

Pete: "Dammit, I just said I'm not 'addicted' to anything!  Leave me alone, you probably just want to tell all your friends you rubbed elbows with the All-Time Hits King of Major League Baseball!  I don't truck with no drunkies, son!"

Bud from Milwaukee asks: "Pete, you're one of the all-time greatest baseball players, 'Charlie Hustle,' yet you bet on the game and admitted it.  Why should I let you back into baseball?"

Pete: "C'mon, Mr. Selig, I got these Mafia types breathing down my neck, I haven't had a winning season of fantasy football since '96.  They're threatening to break my legs!  I need the money, Bud!... I swear I'll never bet against the Reds again... not that I ever did before... from the clubhouse... from 1987 to 1989... but if I had, I wouldn't anymore... not that I ever did."

- Trevor