As we've just come out of the Christmas season, a time of peace, love, and the world's crappiest music next to any country or Bob Dylan song, I felt the spirit of giving stir in me and decided it was time once again to give to you, faithful reader, your favorite present of all:  a review of The Transformers.  And we've got a real whopper of an episode too!

Megatron puts on his thinking cap and brainstorms himself another stinker of a plan.  He takes and reprograms a super computer named Torq III and uses it, in tandem with "circuit linkers" he designed, to take control of any machine he chooses.  While Torq wildly attacks the Autobots, Megatron also has him re-route all oil tankers to his ocean lair.  Before he can capture much energy though, the Autobots regain control of Torq and defeat Megatron, who yells out "withdraw" instead of "retreat" for a change.  The creators of Torq decide to shut him off because, as everyone knows, all powerful robots and computers eventually become self aware and threaten to destroy everything.

"Fortunately, I have a very delicate lock picking technique" - Optimus, just before blasting the locked door to smithereens.

There's a scene at the end when the scientist says that all machines are unreliable and the Autobots all look at each other and say things like "Mrrrr Brrrrr Mrrrr" to simulate grumbling amongst themselves.  It reminded me of the old Monkees shows when they'd all get together to confer but simply say "rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb."

• Right at the beginning, the narrator refers to the "well guarded" Quantum Laboratories (the first and probably only company in the entire series without a really stupid name).  And well guarded it is!  Two whole security guards, neither of whom seem to notice the gigantic Decepticons transforming, firing, and blowing up all kinds of stuff.
• OK, so Torq III is the most powerful computer on Earth.  Surely Megatron could construct a more powerful computer, given that the Decepticons are about a billion times more sophisticated than anything humans could build.  Hell, he even reprograms the thing to do his bidding, so he must have some kind of passing knowledge of how to make and program computers.
• Wanting to seize control of the oil tankers, Megatron has Rumble shoot several of the circuit linkers onto them.  They all sort of drift down and luckily fall into place.  I would have thought that flying down and manually placing them onto the tankers would be better.  For that matter, why not just fly down and actually take the tankers by force?
• The Autobots learn that Torq III has captured two scientists.  They also learn that oil tankers (dozens of them) are being diverted so Megatron can collect their energy.  They then decide to send two Autobots to the tankers, and all the rest go to the labs.  Granted, the labs turn out to have all kinds of robot guards, so it's good they all went there, but you'd think they would have sent the bigger force to Megatron and his energy collecting scheme.
• And yes, once again the Autobots bring the unarmed and completely fragile Spike along with them.  He of course gets immediately captured, forcing the Autobots to surrender.
• And speaking of the surrendering Autobots, the next time we see them they're locked up in a cell.  I still can't figure out why Megatron didn't just kill them on the spot.
• Naturally, the Autobots try to help the humans and save the lab by destroying everything they can get their hands on.
• Outnumbered and outgunned by the robot tanks, the Autobots call the Dinobots for help.  When they finally arrive, they run.  They ran?!  The Dinobots can fly.
• One of Torq's machines captures Prime because it's stronger.  Somehow I find that a wee bit hard to believe.
• At one point, another drone attacks Prime and attaches a circuit linker, placing him under Torq's control.  But when face to face with Torq, Prime says that he switched the chip with a dead one while Torq was bragging.  Number one, where'd he get this dead chip, and second the robot attaches the chip immediately after confronting Prime.  There's no time for him to have switched it and Torq never brags about anything.
• After Prime turns off Torq, Megatron uses some remote control to continue the tankers an their journey.  Of course, this makes one wonder why he needed Torq in the first place.  Oh yeah, to have a battle scene at the labs.
• Spike uses an electro-magnet to immobilize their guards and escape from the cell.  During this escape, Hound and Skyfire both run straight through the same field that's paralyzing the Decepticons but nothing happens to them.

CHANGED PREMISES

• Megatron has a rather phallic tool that pops out of his helmet and can reprogram a computer all of a sudden.
• Optimus has a communications button on his stomach (the part that's his grill in truck mode).  It even seems to lead directly to the Dinobots.
• Wheeljack's shoulder mounted rocket launcher fires lasers now.

ANIMATION FLUBS

• While shooting the circuit linkers onto the oil tankers, Rumple holds his gun even though both guns are still attached to his shoulder.
• Then, he grabs the circuit linker, places it onto his gun, and then places it onto his gun again in the closer shot.
• Teletran I calls Optimus in to tell him about the tankers.  Prime stands right up next to Teletran.  Then the next wide shot has Prime nowhere to be seen.
• Hey, we finally got a new Optimus transforming sequence!  Well once, anyway.  The others all come from that old episode that by now I wish had never been made.
• When the Autobots arrive at the labs, Prime backs up toward Wheeljack.  The perspectives are way off (Wheeljack's too big), making it look like Prime actually backs through Wheeljack.
• Sparkplug, suspiciously absent for the entire episode, pops up twice to say some meaningless lines.
• As Megatron drains the oil from one of the tankers, a mysterious yellow crane sits next to him and says "Ship ready for cargo removal" in a voice that we've never heard before.  Hound later refers to this character as Hook, but the voice and color scheme are not even close.
• While running away from their cell, Hound--who for some reason isn't driving--audibly pants.  No one knows why.
• As Optimus approaches the floating oil collector Megatron built (but didn't have time to build a computer), his boat suddenly leaps out of the water.
• Starscream, feeling lonely back at the base, shows up for one quick shot to fire on the Autobots (it's actually a really well animated clip too).
• Thundercracker doesn't want to feel left out either, so he pops up a few shots later in the scene too.
• Hound fires his missile at one point, and from then on it keeps appearing and disappearing from his launcher.
• Skyfire just can't decide what size he wants to be.  He goes from pretty close to Prime's height to gargantuan and everything in between with each passing shot.

- Danimal