(Note from The Danimal: Now that my case of Scarlet Fever or whatever the hell I had has passed, I can resume updating the site at regular intervals, such as once a week, rather than sleeping 24 hours a day.  Hmmm, sleeping 24 hours a day does still sound kind of fun though...)

My Pizzlewig, has it been a long time since I've written an article on Nothing-Sacred!  I've been busy with other important things for a while, but now I am back.  In this article I will once again tackle the issue of religion... but this time it won't be just the Christian religion that I discuss.  This time, I decided to be a little more egalitarian, and express my opinions on both Christianity and other religions.  So without any further ado, here are my thoughts on Christianity and a few other world religions.

Christianity - A lot has happened since I wrote my last article.  For one thing, the Supreme Court decision to make state sodomy laws unconstitutional, which I discussed in my last article, has generated a lot of controversy -- especially among religious conservatives.  For example the Vatican has launched a global campaign against gay marriages, and well known American televangelist Pat Robertson has even asked his followers to pray for the retirement of three Supreme Court Justices following the controversial decision.  Millions of other religious conservatives in the U.S. got their panties in a bunch over this decision.  All these religious folks prefer that sodomy stayed illegal because apparently it is offensive to God, who does not like homosexuals and does not want them having anal sex with each other.

But that view raises a big question: if God didn't like homosexuals and didn't want them (or straight people) to be having anal sex, why did He make a man's penis the same size and shape as a man's (and woman's) rectum?  I mean if God didn't want people having anal sex, all He had to do -- since He is the creator of all that exists -- was make a human penis much smaller than a human rectum, or vice versa, so that no one could get pleasure out of anal sex.  Or He could have made the shape of human penises and rectums different.  For instance He could have given us squared penises and rounded rectums, so that there would be no way to fit a penis inside a rectum... but He chose not to do any of that.  Instead, He decided to make the human penis the perfect size and shape to fit in another human's (male or female) rectum and make the rim of a human anus rich in nerve endings to boot so that anal sex is a very pleasurable experience.  On top of that he gave many men a desire to perform anal sex on or receive it from other men.  With all of this in mind one has to wonder whether God is really as vehemently opposed to homosexuality as these religious fanatics claim He is.

With the general discussion of religious opposition to homosexuality out of the way, let me discuss the Vatican's and Pat Robertson's opposition specifically.  According to an article I linked to earlier, the Vatican has "warn[ed] Catholic politicians that support of same-sex unions is 'gravely immoral.'"  Gee, I wonder if these "same-sex unions" include a union between a male priest and a male altar boy who are alone together in a confession booth?  If they do, the Catholic church should really take care of that little problem first, before they tell their followers worldwide how they should feel about "same-sex unions."  Until that problem is taken care of, the Vatican has so little credibility in acting as a moral authority to others that it's almost laughable.

And as for Mr. Robertson, what ever happened to that "love thy neighbor" thing?  I mean there are millions of people in this world dying from starvation, disease, etc., everyday, yet this guy is asking his followers to pray for the retirement of a couple of judges so that consenting adult gay men may once again have sex in the privacy of their own homes illegally instead of doing it legally like they can now!  I'll be sure to mention that the next time some religious nut asks me why I never pray to God.  I'll explain to him that I do not wish to interrupt God's busy schedule of trying to convince Supreme Court Justices to retire so that gays may have anal sex illegally instead of legally... but enough about Christianity; let's move on to religions that haven't been as well represented in my Nothing-Sacred articles.

Islam - As I am sure you know, the nineteen hijackers responsible for the 9/11 terrorist acts committed these acts because their holy book, the Koran, promised each of them 74 (I think -- please e-mail me and correct me on the number if I'm wrong) virgins upon their arrival in heaven.  Now, this makes me wonder: all these guys had to be intelligent to execute such a complex plan.  If they were intelligent, why did they fail to see what the Koran did not promise them when it promised them all those virgins?  You see, while the Koran did say that they were gonna get 74 (or however many) virgins each, it never promised that

1. Those virgins would be attractive -- How did they know they weren't gonna arrive in heaven and find 74 fat, ugly, smelly women who died virgins because no one ever wanted them on Earth waiting for them?
2. Those virgins would be female -- How did they know they weren't gonna arrive in heaven and find 74 fat, ugly, smelly male Star Trek nerds flashing the Star Trek peace sign at them and saying "Live long and prosper"?
3. Those virgins would be human -- How did they know they wouldn't find 74 virgin cows, pigs, chickens, or some other non-human species waiting for them in heaven?
4. Those virgins would be alive -- How did they know they weren't gonna find 74 dead virgin cows, pigs, chickens, or some other non-human species waiting for them in heaven?
5. Those virgins would be organic -- How did they know they weren't gonna find 74 virgin rocks waiting for them in heaven -- virgin because no one on Earth or in heaven ever had the idea of humping a rock before.

Hinduism - If I ever get a chance to discuss religion with a Hindu, I will ask him what Adolf Hitler was reincarnated as?  I would really like to know the answer to this question.

Well, that does it for fun with religion.  Until my next article, take some time to ponder your chosen religion's mysteries, read its holy book carefully, and, most importantly, pray to your deity of choice for more people to read Nothing-Sacred.

- Iced Alex