[Note from The Danimal:
After many very well received articles, Trevor
has decided to join the dysfunctional Nothing-Sacred family. If he
follows the lead of any of our other writers, this will most likely be
the last article he ever writes.]
You know who I can't stand?! Mouth-breathers! Those little
pansy asses with their deviated septums really piss me off! Sure,
we all get the occasional sniffles, making our nasal passages all but useless,
and are forced to retreat to the primordial instinct to take in oxygen
between our teeth (especially me after I climb a big hill, or have to get
up off the couch). But goddammit, there's no excuse for these bastards
who do it all the freakin' time! What, you like swallowing flies?
Other Assholes:
Rednecks
Sure, they're good for a laugh when you're several thousand miles from
them, in New York or something, but I'm right here in the friggin' South,
and the bastards won't just die already! They breed like dogs, with
each other, keepin' it in the family! Then they complain about people
looking down on 'em?! Get off your daughters for a minute and realize
that (much like Uncle Joe Bob Earl) the South will never rise again!
Republicans
Not all of them are assholes: There's Lincoln and... and... well, shit,
most of them ARE assholes! They're always whining about "liberals"
and the "liberal media" (by "they" I mean Bill O'Reilly, on Fox News, the
number-one cable news network). Please do me a favor, you fascist
creeps: Shut the fuck up! I'm all for free speech, but you guys make
Stalin look like a saint by comparison!
Finally...
Comedy Writers
Oh, you think you're SO FUNNY, what with your "witty observations" about
"everyday life" through the "filter of twentieth-century thought."
Well, I've got news for you: wasting the public's time with "jokes" is
just damn annoying! Why don't you assholes get a REAL JOB, instead
of writing about assholes that piss you off...
Oh, wait... never mind! Keep up the good work!
- Trevor
