It never ceases to amaze me how something I wrote so long ago and barely
even remember can still strike so many nerves worldwide. It's also
pretty amazing that every one of these hot-under-the-collar youths can
all have either AOL (official motto: "Why in the Hell Do People Still
Use This Crap?") or Hotmail accounts. No wait, that's not really
surprising at all. Well, let's schlep our way through yet another
genius and his brilliant writings regarding my Top
Ten Worst Bands list which has recently earned the Presidential Seal
of Approval, shall we?
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: top 10 worst bands
hahahahahaahahaha you crack me up! I agree with some such as Beetles
and Kiss and Pink Floyd but it shows that you are just a dumbass who doesn't
like the better bands. You narrowed it down to only old rock and you just
put the bands in that you didnt like. Hello Led Zepplin is the #1 band
of all time, Doors #13, Hendrix #5, Nirvana #3. Just stick to your hob
and don't rate bands because you don't know too much about them
I'm not sure what a "hob" is, but if it's some kind of youngster term for
"incessant beer and porn," don't worry ZeiK130, I'm there and sticking
to it like nobody's business.
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Those numbers are the proof of the decade! You clearly have put
them in a definite order. It is too bad that my list is undeniable
scientific evidence and therefore cannot be debated.
Thanks for writing anyway.
Really now, where did he come up with that ranking? I mean, I researched
this for years, utilizing the government's top officials. His number
seem to be just made up. Almost like someone just expressing their
opinion, which certainly would never rile up anyone.
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
haha you are soo full of it. Those bands are definitely not the top
10 worst except for maybe Cougar. Start using facts instead of opinions
buddy
Wait, what happened to Pink Floyd and The Beatles and Kiss? I guess
they're good now. What a whirlwind of confusion this zEIk130 is!
How can anyone keep up with him?
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Hello, and thanks for writing.
I hate to be the one to tell you, but those are absolute and undeniable
facts that have been researched for decades now by the world's top scientists.
I guess you haven't been following that. Sorry.
Thanks anyway though!
I usually don't remember half of what I write in these emails since I get
so many and I really don't care, so it's always fun to read them again.
For instance, I find it pretty amusing that I start with "hello," as if
I've never heard from those joker before. I wonder if he found it
funny too?
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
oh is that why every other site has those bands in the top 50 and Led
Zepplin #1 Beetles #2....Scientists can't examine music so shut your mouth
and if you have a problem with music you can't understand then where is
AC/DC. You are just a dumb fan who is jealous of the good bands so
you wanted to state your opinion over the internet. The facts show
that Zepplin, Beetles, Hendrix and the others are fan favorites so why
would they be in the top 10 worst. Yup thats right because the bands you
like sucked so you wanted people to think that the good ones suck. I see
your hit count if farely low and nobdy would listen to you since you aren't
even in the music business so shut your mouth and be fair dumbass!
My hit count is fairly low? Ouch! That stings! Actually,
if the hit count is any more than one (from me checking the articles after
I upload them), it would be a total surprise to everyone.
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Hmmm, I have to wonder why if "nobody would listen to" me, why you're
so worked up over it. Kind of doesn't make a whole lot of sense if
you asked me.
Scientists can and did study music, that's where the list came from.
I guess all those fans are just plain wrong. Ah well, not the first
time the majority was incorrect.
Thanks again for writing, and I'm sorry you don't have taste enough
to not like what are undisputedly the worst bands ever, as outlined in
my irrefutable list.
I believe that first paragraph pretty accurately sums up my feelings toward
every single person who's ever emailed me about that article. "Your
opinion is worthless, and you know nothing, and no one cares about you,
yet I just can't seem to stop writing you!" Such is the case with
zEiK130...
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
if you're so smart then let me see your top ten best bands and oh by
the way like I said last time Where is AC/DC if you want bands that don't
make sense when they sing
This guy's got some kind of grudge against AC/DC I guess. Sadly,
they make even less sense when they talk.
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
AC/DC? Well, while they're certainly not the best band, or even
close, they at least have one or two songs that don't immediately make
me vomit uncontrollably.
What are my favorite bands? What an astonishingly unoriginal question.
The article's long been done, check it out:
http://www.nothing-sacred.net/articles/096
Thanks again for writing.
Why does everyone think they're going to just plain stymie me with the
question about my favorites? Do they not realize that I used the
exact same scientific method for that list as the previous one? It
cannot be denied!
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
well for Led Zepplin I could tell you tons of great songs you wouldn't
vomit about....you obviously are joking because those two should be switched
around and if you actually like those top 10 bands then you obviously shouldbn't
be rating music
the only thing i do agree with is Nirvana.....they are a great band
but should have been better then honorable mention
Me? Joking? Never. That list is 100% serious, and the
facts provided are more than enough to show that.
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Oh yes, and that was a true and sincere listing for Nirvana. No
sarcasm there at all.
I believe that the undeniable facts of why those bands are the top 10
were fairly clearly stated and can in no way be debated. After all,
the Bee Gees have more top hit singles than anyone. That must mean
they're great. Popularity = talent, remember?
Thanks again for writing.
I have come to the firm conclusion (or maybe I read it in a fortune cookie,
it really could be either as I remember next to nothing) that there must
be
some degree of intelligence to understand sarcasm. Clearly,
zeIk130 does not possess this small degree, as he missed the sarcasm in
the Nirvana reference, and something tells me he's going to miss the sarcasm
in the "Popularity = talent" reference as well.
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
well if popularity=talent then Hello Led Zepplin and Jimi Hendrix were
tops and even though i hate them the Beetles too. Nobody will forget
the Star spangled banner by Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock and you can't tell
me they aren't the worst bands more like the best. I think if your best
list was as horrible as it was I would have put Nirvana #1 and Bee gees
#2. Also why isn't Eric Clapton in top best because he is truly a
great artist and you cannot deny that
Well what do you know, I'm right again. Beyond that, you'd need an
interpreter to tell you what the hell this boob is rambling on about as
it's written in some sort of gibberish.
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Oh yes, Eric Clapton is great. I love that one song where it's
all crappy and stupid the whole way through. Oh wait, that's all
of them.
Jimi Hendrix played the Star Spangled Banner? America wept.
When the hell did we get on Eric Clapton again? No matter, he likes
Clapton, so it's time to start with the Clapton insults.
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
wow your dumb hello Layla, Tears of Heaven are hits and Jimi hendrix's
Star Spangled Banner was 1 of the most remembered things from Woodstock
and everybody loved it......you are so horrible with music just quit
Jimi Hendrix was one of the most remembered things? I would have
thought it was all the drug induced orgies, but maybe that's just me.
And look at that, "Layla" was a hit, so therefore it can't be bad!
Do people really think that way?
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Woodstock? You say that like I should know what that means.
The little bird from the Peanuts comic strip? I didn't know Jimi
Hendrix had any part of that comic. Go figure.
"Layla" and "Tears of Heaven?" It's like you're speaking a foreign
language. Please, try to stay on topic. We're talking about
how much Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix are known the world over to suck,
don't go start talking about movies or whatever those titles may be.
As always, thanks for your continuing support.
There's nothing funnier than pretending like you don't know who someone
famous is. Not really funny in itself, but how angry it makes that
particular celebrity's fans.
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
wow how dumb are you......You obviously made your whole thing a joke
to get some email since nobody ever sends you any. You cannot say
they suck and have those shitty bands as your top or you just arent capable
of rating bands
So did I make the whole thing up or are those actually my favorites?
I'm lost. Must be because I'm dumb. After all, zeik130 has
said so about a trillion times now.
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
You need to stop saying that "I" made that since I was simply restating
what had come back from the seven year study done by top government scientists.
Really, I had almost nothing to do with it. I'm glad that you're
at least not trying to get me for plagiarism.
By the way, who is Eric Clapton anyway? Isn't he that guy who
did "Cliffs of Dover?" Now there's a good song.
Eric Johnson, Eric Clapton, yeah they're the same.
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Eric Clapton sang Great Hits like Cocaine, I can't stand it, Layla,
tears in Heaven........so your so dumb for say this crap about scientist
doing it because then they'd obviously know nothing about music. I know
you did it and you arent funny and how could you say YOU didn't do it when
you say these are YOUR top ten best and worst bands......your horrible
My horrible
what? Don't leave me hanging like that, finish
the sentence! I still can't understand why people insist on thinking
I did those lists when they're so obviously fact taken straight from the
SAT!
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Eric Clapton did something about Cocaine? Or you mean he did cocaine?
I'm confused. Or are you doing cocaine, which is what alters your
judgment and makes you like garbage like Jimi Hendrix?
I always thought that Eric Clapton was Andy Kaufman's alter ego.
No?
I was clearly drunk when I wrote this one because Eric Clapton and Tony
Clifton aren't even that close, and there's no way this dunce has heard
of him anyway.
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
you are so dumb.....your little website with you swithin the best and
worst because you thought you were funny was very dumb.. you should quit
being a comedian and reviewing music and get back to your garbage job.
Jimi Hendrix was a master on the guitar and nobody but him could play the
guitar with their teeth so that already gives him a top ten spot.
You cannot say Eric Clapton is a joke becuase he is a lot better then your
shit you picked so you obviously are on Cocaine. Oh by the way dumbass
he sang a song called Cocaine and they all did drugs back then anyway
Seriously now, does one sentence of that make sense to anyone? I
suppose if I'd actually read it I might understand it.
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Woah, woah, Jimi Hendrix could play with his teeth?! Why the hell
didn't someone tell me sooner?! He is obviously the greatest ever
in the history of the universe. No wait, he still sucks. In
fact, it doesn't surprise me that he played with his teeth, since he obviously
wasn't using his fingers like any actual talented guitarist.
So who's this Eric Clapton again? He did cocaine and liked cocaine
and he was on cocaine, but who is he? Is he related to the Backstreet
Boys again? I think it's Aaron Carter. You should really check
your spelling, you were way off on that one.
I'm absolutely positive that the more I say I don't know who Eric Clapton
is, the more ZEik130's veins were throbbing in his head.
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
jimi hendrix could not only play with his hands but also with his teeth
aqnd probably with his teeth better then those bands on your list could..........Eric
Clapton is a genius and i think nobody likes your comedy so you should
quit
Nobody likes my comedy? If there's one thing I know nothing about,
it's comedy, so that barely comes as any kind of surprise.
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Eric Clapton is a genius? Oh, so he's like a scientist or something.
In that case he would be able to confirm that those are indeed the worst
bands ever since he was probably on the committee who did the exhaustive
research in the first place. I'll try to call and ask him.
I was almost hoping that this cretin would think that I could actually
call Eric Clapton and ask me to get an autograph or something. This
didn't happen.
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
yeah ok stop making excuses since you found out your little joke wasn't
funny
What the hell is this guy talking about? What joke and what excuses?
Is this dope from Mars or something?
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Making excuses? Little joke? It's like you're speaking in
tongues now. First we were talking about Dr. Eric Clapton, M.D. and
how he was treating Jimi Hendrix for Complete Suckatitis (fortunately,
a terminal disease), and now suddenly you're talking about making jokes
and excuses. Here's a joke:
Hey, did you hear they're planning a Beatles reunion?
All it'll take is two more bullets.
See, now THAT'S a joke. Jimi Hendrix being the worst in history
is just a direct quote from a textbook.
That joke was a lot funnier when it was "three more bullets," but then
that prick George Harrison had to die or nut cancer or whatever the shit
he had and now the "bullet" line doesn't pack as much of a whallop.
Just one more reason to hate those asshole Beatles.
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
even though i hate the Beetles that is a horrible joke and it is so
wrong just lkike everything else you have done. I guess you have no life
so you figured you take the stars like clapton hendrix and zepplin down
and think your funny doing it. just face it theyre the best ever and your
jealous
Ah yes, the infamous "you have no life." I guess when you're 12,
that's a real insult. I also guess that getting into long and drawn
out email conversations with people you don't know over something as stupid
as whether or not a person like Eric Clapton is the sign of having "a life."
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
I want to take down the stars? Like go out into space? That
would be cool. I could go out there with Space Pirate Eric Clapton
and we could visit the alien worlds! Let's just hope we don't bring
anything like Led Zeppelin along because if the aliens hear that they'll
immediately shoot us down, as should happen to anyone creating such noise
pollution.
Hey zeiK130, why not do something original and tell me I'm so dumb?
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
i guess aliens hate great human music then huh your so dumb and not
funny and you try way to hard. if any of the bands that u put in
the top 10 best would have played the aliens would have not shot them down
but capture them and torture them for the horrible music they play
Thanks, buddy! You never fail to please!
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Well, at least you admit that the aliens would just kill them on the
spot. I detect a Bee Gees fan in you after all. Then again,
how could you not be? All those number one singles must mean they
are the best of all time (except obviously for the Brady Kids). The
facts don't lie!
I figured calling him a Bee Gees fan would cause his head to explode.
Then again, it may have, but that certainly would have damaged no vital
organs and he'd still be able to write to me... which he did...
From: ZeiK130@aol.com
To: The Danimal
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Led Zepplin had more #1 singles then the Bee Gees did buddy and i think
it would be worse to be tortured then to be dead on the spot and they would
obviously do it to 9/10 bands on your top 10 best list the only 1 they
wouldn't is the Bee Gees because they atleast had 1 good song
OK, let's review at this point: zEik130 has gone from trying to convince
me that Led Zeppelin is great, that I'm dumb, and that Eric Clapton is
a genius. Now he's trying to argue that
it's better to be tortured
by aliens than simply killed! Can anything say "defeat" more
than that? Let's find out...
From: The
Danimal
To: ZeiK130@aol.com
Subject: Re: top 10 worst bands
Hmm, at least 10 number ones for the Bee Gees, zero for Led Zeppelin.
While I'll have to consult with mathematician extraordinaire Eric Clapton,
I'm pretty sure 10 is just slightly more than zero. But again, this
is only theory.
I knew it! You are a Bee Gees fan! Let's now discuss our
favorite songs by them at great length!
No reply. Like always. At some point, every one of these runts
either wises up or loses their internet connection. My vote's on
the latter since "wising up" for these goofs would be as likely as Jimi
Hendrix playing a good song.
Nothing-Sacred Official Scoreboard:
Danimal - 58,678,721,589,651
Fanboy Losers - Zero
- Danimal
