Not too long ago, I wrote an article about useless jobs, where I described some jobs that I think are useless and explained why I think they are useless.  One of the jobs I mentioned was pharmacist (at least one that works at a drugstore rather than a hospital) because, basically, anyone who can read and has arms can fill his/her own prescription.  This didn't sit well with Nothing-Sacred reader Jason Martinazzi, who sent me the following e-mail:

From: Jason Martinazzi
To: icedalex@nothing-sacred.net
Subject: talking out your ass

After reading your 'jobs that should be eliminated' page i feel that a few things need cleared up:

1) You obviously have no idea what you are talking about.

2) "[A] time when pharmacists crushed pills and 'made' the rx," etc... that time was in the 1700's you dolt.  Do you have any idea how impossible that would be now?  We still do compounds...but leave the manufacturing to the companies.  After all, its the law!

3) Do you consider these tasks useful? :
-screening for drug interactions
-answering questions
-billing insurance companies
-making sure that the drug/dose/strength/duration is correct
I could go on but you get my point.

4) Guess why drugs cost so much?  it has little to do with the pharmacists...and a lot to do with the drug companies.  it costs hundreds of MILLIONS of dollars and 10+ years to discover/research/develop/market a new drug.  or would you rather take a drug that was never tested to be safe and effective??

5) News flash!!  Drug companies are out to make money.  Pfizer, Merck, etc could give a shit about you. It's the American way.  The pharmacist sees $0 of the drug companies' profit.

6) Anyone that could read and has arms??  WTF??  Pharmacy school is 6 years long and the person graduates with a doctorate in pharmacy. i took many of the same classes that are offered in medical school.  let's see you do it.

7) Yes, I do make a good deal of money.

8) I can't answer for the idiot RPh you spoke of...unfortunately there are idiots in every profession.

From: Iced Alex
To: Jason Martinazzi
Subject: re: talking out your ass

Dear Mr. Martinazzi

Thank you for your very informative and well-written e-mail.  You must have put a lot of thought into writing it.  I have learned a lot from your wonderful message, including some things about myself that I did not know before.  More specifically, I learned that I am a dolt, and that unlike most human beings who talk through their mouths I talk out of my ass.  Wow, I never realized that about myself until I read your greatly enlightening e-mail!  I must be a mutant of some sort...  but enough about me.  Let us, instead, take a closer look at what you wrote.

> After reading your 'jobs that should be eliminated' page I feel that a few things need cleared up:

And I feel that one thing needs to be cleared up for you: you are sending a long angry e-mail to a stranger whom you've never met over an article the said stranger wrote on a HUMOR AND SATIRE Web site.  Way to go, defender of truth!

> 1) You obviously have no idea what you are talking about.

Thank you for clearing up the fact that you feel that way.  If you haven't told me, I would've never figured it out.  It's not like you made this point clear in the subject of your e-mail or the text that follows.

> 2) '[A] time when pharmacists crushed pills and 'made' the rx' etc.....that time was in the 1700's you dolt.

Really?  I thought it was two weeks ago.  If you haven't given me this great history lesson via e-mail, I would've never known the truth.

> Do you have any idea how impossible that would be now?

Actually, I had no idea until you told me.  I knew that drugs these days are manufactured in large factories owned by giant pharmaceutical corporations, and that these factories employ many workers, but if you haven't told me so, I would've never guessed that a single pharmacist couldn't manufacture these drugs on his own.

>  We still do compounds...but leave the manufacturing to the companies.  After all, its the law!

You leave the manufacturing to the companies?  Clearly, I did not know that, as I never mentioned this fact in the article that got you so worked up.

> 3) do you consider these tasks useful? : -screening for drug interactions

Yes, I do consider this task useful, which is why I am glad my doctor does it before writing a prescription for me in the first place.  And I hope you pay more attention to detail when you check for drug interactions than you do when you surf the Web, since you didn't pick up on the fact that this article was a joke and didn't notice the word "SATIRE" written in large bold capital letters in the left frame of the page.

> -answering questions

Yes, I do consider this task useful, which is why I am answering this e-mail.

> -billing insurance companies

Yes, this is a very useful task.  It also requires lots of training, experience, and hard work, as not just anybody can input insurance information into a computer.

> -making sure that the drug/dose/strength/duration is correct

Yes, I do find this task very useful, which is why I'm glad my doctor does it before writing a prescription for me.

> I could go on but you get my point.

I find it strange that you made that assumption, considering that not too long ago you called me a dolt and a person who talks out of his ass.

> 4) guess why drugs cost so much?  It has little to do with the pharmacists...and a lot to do with the drug companies.  It costs hundreds of MILLIONS of dollars and 10+ years to discover/research/develop/market a new drug.

And after all that time and money spent on research and development, over-the-counter pain relievers like Tylenol or Advil cost $5 per bottle, while it costs several times more to fill a prescription for a pain reliever.  I guess it really does have little to do with pharmacists.

> or would you rather take a drug that was never tested to be safe and effective??

No I wouldn't rather take an untested drug, but what does that have to do with your job?  Do you test drugs?

> 5) news flash!!  Drug companies are out to make money.  Pfizer, Merck, etc could give a shit about you. It's the American way.

Really?  Oh my goodness, that is so awful for me to learn.  Here I was thinking that gigantic corporations were altruistic organizations who did not care about profits and just wanted to help people in need, but you had to come along and explain to me that it isn't so.  My heart is now broken!  Oh, how could I ever have been so deceived by these large corporations?!

> the pharmacist sees $0 of the drug companies profit.

Wow, your e-mail is just so full of facts that I never knew before!  I thought pharmaceutical companies gave every penny of profit they made to pharmacists like you, but now I know I was wrong.

> 6) anyone that could read and has arms??  WTF?? pharmacy school is 6 years long and the person graduates with a doctorate in pharmacy. I took many of the same classes that are offered in medical school.  lets see you do it.

In other words you went through (at least) four years of college and six years of pharmacy school, took many of the same classes that doctors take, yet you never learned to distinguish a joke from serious thought?  Wow, I am speechless!

> 7) yes, I do make a good deal of money.

Apparently, you also have a good deal of free time on your hands, since you send angry e-mails to strangers on the Internet.

> 8) I cant answer for the idiot RPh you spoke of...unfortunately there are idiots in every profession.

I am assuming you are referring to an exchange between myself and a pharmacist that I quoted in my article.  If so, the six years of pharmacy school you went through must have fried your brain, since you couldn't figured out that this conversation was completely contrived.  As I hope you can see, your e-mail was very enlightening to me and taught me a great wealth of information that I did not know before.  I don't know how I can ever thank you.

- Iced Alex