In my last article I described how my comments about "patriotic" bumper stickers made Nothing-Sacred reader Sandra Zelko unhappy.  I also mentioned that she sent me another e-mail later, and that in my next article, I would post that e-mail and my response to it.  Well, this is that next article, so, without any further ado, here is her brilliant, well written message to me:

From: Sandra Zelko
To: Iced Alex
Subject: Re: N/A

Oh well, you got me there.

Ok, let me put my sarcasm beside for a minute.  First of all, if you're going to post a commentary over the internet with an email address, I have the right to give you my opinion.  You sound like a person who needs to lighten up.  My goodness, getting so upset about people displaying a show of respect for their country, are you a depressed person?

I could write a comment to your every comment, but have decided that it's not worth my time.

Keep up the negatism though!  It's inspiring!

From: Iced Alex
To: Sandra Zelko
Subject: Re: N/A

Oh well, you got me there.

I did?  Oh wow, my writing has influenced someone's thinking.  My life is now complete, and I can die happy!

Ok, let me put my sarcasm beside for a minute.

Oh, you were sarcastic?  Oh my God, my joy just came crashing down.  Why, God, oh why?!  If only I've known before that you were being sarcastic!  But it's a great thing you told me, because if you haven't, I would've never figured it out.

And, I believe you meant to say "aside" instead of beside.  Or is proper word usage unpatriotic?

First of all, if you're going to post a commentary over the internet with an email address, I have the right to give you my opinion.

You certainly do have that right, and I never said that you don't.  However, I also have the right to dislike your opinion, as well as dislike you.  On top of that, I have the right to think that you are just one of millions of Americans who couldn't give a gallon of elephant piss about their country before 9/11, but jumped on the "patriotic" bandwagon two days after it.

You sound like a person who needs to lighten up.  My goodness, getting so upset about people displaying a show of respect for their country, are you a depressed person?

Yes, you hit the nail right on the head.  I am a very depressed and miserable person who has nothing important to do in his life except to answer e-mail.  If that weren't the case, I certainly wouldn't have replied to an angry condescending e-mail in an equally condescending manner.  Normal people don't reply with insults when they are insulted; only depressed people do.  And the fact that I'm taking more time than necessary to type out these long e-mails certainly has nothing to do with me planning to put this exchange into my next Nothing-Sacred article.  I think I will go curl up in a fetal position and cry for hours on end now.

I could write a comment to your every comment, but have decided that it's not worth my time.

Well, that's a surprise, considering that you thought it was worth your time to get angry over something someone you never met wrote on a HUMOR AND SATIRE Website and send that someone an angry and insulting e-mail.

Keep up the negatism though!  It's inspiring!

Keep up the what?  I don't know what "negatism" is, so I looked it up on dictionary.com.  You can view the result here.  Dictionary.com had the following to say about "negatism":

No entry found for negatism.
37 suggestions found:

These suggestions include:

naked as a jaybird

naked as the day one was born

naked as the day you were born

I am glad to hear that the fact that I am currently butt-naked as I am typing this is inspiring to you.  It is a great feeling to know that my lack of clothes inspires people.  I will keep on being naked so that I can touch more people's lives...  Oh wait, it looks like you meant "negativism" which dictionary.com defines as

neg·a·tiv·ism    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (ng-t-vzm)
n.
1. A habitual attitude of skepticism or resistance to the suggestions, orders, or instructions of others.
2. Behavior characterized by persistent refusal, without apparent or logical reasons, to act on or carry out suggestions, orders, or instructions of others.

Guess what, I do not have a problem with authority figures, so, once again, you used a wrong word.  I guess proper word usage really is unpatriotic.  The word you should've used is "negativity", defined as

2. Lacking positive or constructive features, especially:
a. Unpleasant; disagreeable: had a negative experience on his first job.
b. Gloomy; pessimistic: a negative outlook.
c. Unfavorable or detrimental: a negative review; a negative effect on the child's development.
d. Hostile or disparaging; malicious: ran a negative campaign against her opponent.

If that is indeed what you meant when you said "negatism", then you can bet your life I will keep that up.  With people like you out there sending hostile e-mails to random people on the Internet like me, I don't see how I can not keep that up.  In conclusion let me say keep on loving America as you have done since 9/13/2001 (two days after 9/11).  You certainly are a true patriot, and you make America proud to have citizens like you.

Regards
"Iced" Alex

- Iced Alex