Man alive, what's it been:  a couple days, four months, ten years or so since I did an article?  Just for the sake of argument, since there's no real way to pinpoint it, we'll say it was a fortnight.  A "fortnight," for those of you who are unfamiliar with wacky American expressions, is a term that dates way back to Woodstock and means roughly... something.

So where the hell have I been?  Well, I recently acquired some great three-dimensional animation software and have been furiously modeling the first thing that every novice artist tries to create:  Shockwave.  After working nearly around the clock for close to three weeks, I have what I consider to be a pretty good representation of this world famous Decepticon.

Pretty good, huh?  Look at the attention to every conceivable detail in that drawing!  Time well spent, I say.

But all this burst of creativity got me to thinking, something I usually try to avoid at all costs.  I wonder just how my brain works.  What makes me, for instance, completely not care about any attacks currently going on in Iraq but at the same time continue to watch reruns of Small Wonder as if my life depended on it?  Only one way to find out... a CAT scan!

CAT scans are a great new invention by which you are hurled into a large metal coffin and bombarded with potentially lethal radiation until doctors either find the problem in your brain or you are mutated into some bizarre and hideous figure, such as Gerard Depardeau.

I went in for my CAT scan earlier this week and they laid me down on some sort of conveyor belt.  They explain the procedure and as they shoot you into the Tunnel O' Doom, they remind you several times not to move.  Of course, this causes the average person to immediately want to move in every conceivable direction.

So into the abyss I went.  I decided to spend the time productively and immediately fell asleep.  When I woke up 48 hours later, they told me they had just a few more hours to go.

After the procedure was finally complete, the doctors showed me the test results.  I decided it would only be right of me to share those with both of my loyal readers, and the thousands of other people who come here looking for new and exciting reasons to send me hate mail.

This first image is of the right half of my brain.  For those of you who spent your Biology classes napping and doodling little pictures of guys with large sabers or machetes going through their heads (or was that just me?), the right half of your brain controls the more analytical thought processes.

Nothing particularly revealing about that diagram in my opinion.  But next up was the left half of the old thinker.  The left half controls the more artistic side of a person.  Creativity, sense of humor, and artistic talents are all found in this portion of the vast wasteland known as the human brain.  The results of this scan were particularly surprising...

Wow, look how huge that yellow section is.  Score one for me, I say!  I would have expected a speck so small that several magnifying lenses rigged in tandem would be necessary to see it.

All in all it was a good time, except that I never did find out what that nurse had on under her lab coat.  Maybe I'll go back in sometime and try again.  There was one small, virtually unnoticeable side effect, let's see if you can detect it...

- Danimal