Welcome to the world of Eks once again, Assassin Associates.  As mentioned previously, I received an electronic transmission from one of the many Associates out there requesting several adobes to be sliced in an unmerciful fashion.  After a brief respite involving much meditation and geisha girls by the dozen, The Assassin is ready to finally complete this mission.

This first challenge, if one could even call it that without breaking into gales of laughter, was The Liberty Bell is Ringing, an abode devoted, apparently, to the ravings of one "Blade."  This character had much to say, but nothing of anything remotely resembling substance.  It was a testament to insanity.  One of the things most curious is Blade's continual mention of his mastery of something called "HTML," which is either some sort of internet highway coding language or the formula for nitroglycerine.  One can only assume it means the latter, because clearly Blade has no knowledge whatsoever of how to write web abodes.  This is demonstrated at both the beginning and end of the abode.

Two exceedingly long strings of letters and symbols which have no known meaning to anyone of this planet.  It is The Assassin's opinion that perhaps this is a coded message to extraterrestrial life explaining what can only be an invasion strategy.  It is also possible that it is just pure ineptitude.

Much of the abode is devoted to Blade explaining his thoughts on very wide variety of matters such as religion, patriotism, religion, and religion.  To illustrate how wrong premarital sex is, Blade provides the following internet graphic file:

An arousing and enchanting female performing in a provocative way can only be there to distract the internet surfer while the torture begins.

The torture, it seems, came from Eks this time however.

If the surfer is somehow able to wade through the mountains and mountains of irrelevant nonsense, he is rewarded by the only other thing in the abode.  A list of hyperlinks which claim to offer answers to the many questions that no doubt plague everyone's mind, such as "how was this baby not aborted while still a fetus?"  However, in keeping with this particular abode's theme of being completely ridiculous, clicking any or all of the hypertext links with one's mouse results in the same message appearing.

Eks ended up at a gathering place known as "Earthlink" rather than the destinations the hyperlinks specified.  This may serve to confirm the hypothesis that this is in some way meant to reach alien life forms plotting to rule the Earth and its many convenience stores.  The only other explanation is that Blade has no idea what he's doing and his incompetence has wasted The Assassin's time.

In either case, the crushing blow was dealt and Eks emerged the victor.

Blade put up virtually no resistance to my onslaught of bloodshed which is probably due to the fact that he has paled and withered from his lengthy stay in several of the nation's top mental illness recovery institutions.  This abode is almost remarkable in its unusual nature.  It provides a fascinating look at both how to communicate with unearthly beings and also the complete and utter deterioration of a person's brain into ranting lunacy.

With time to kill, Eks decided to use the time to kill.

Next on the agenda was "Amber Mueller's Homepage," an abode which consisted of exactly nothing.  There were a few paragraphs stating things no reasonable person would possibly want to know, and many moving images of animals which were probably there to keep your brain active since the words could certainly never do the trick.

Victory came almost too easy, and left The Assassin wanting more.  There was an area known as The Guestbook which Eks did not touch, as I know that it gives the Assassin Associates much pleasure to slice that for themselves.

There was also a lone hypertext link leading to Amber's sibling's web abode, which held promise of being superior.

This was not the case by any stretch of one's imagination with "Stephanie's Homepage."  In fact, with only minor cosmetic differences, they were practically the same abode.  The one seemed to have more to say, as it went on at great length about dancing.  Dancing is a wonderful art, Eks must agree.  The fluid movement and graceful nature are excellent tools for training one's body to contort itself into various positions on the off chance that one day one finds oneself hiding in a small steamer trunk for three weeks straight while stalking an Eastern European enemy.

This enemy required no such training though.  The Assassin again spared only The Guestbook which is not saying much since it is the only other thing in the abode.  Slice it for Eks, oh Assassin Associates, and make me proud or you may find yourselves...

- Eks the Assassin

Got a site you'd like Eks to slice?  Send it to him!