I believe it was Whitney Houston who once said "I am a crack addicted whore who couldn't sing her way out of a wet paper sack."  Wait, maybe that's the wrong quote.  I was thinking of when she sang something about the children being the future.  There's a bit of truth to this, no matter how frightening that thought may be.  Kids are getting away with more and more stuff as adults go out of their way to shield them from horrors like crime and meeting new people and having actual sunlight touch them.

But with the knowledge that kids are our future, it seems like we should start right off the bat with teaching them important things.  And what better way to teach them than in school?  I mean, they're already there, we might as well do something with them, right?  But many events in recent times have changed.  School's not the fun place where kids learn how to torment classmates with squirt guns and rubber cement, now it's all about softening their perceptions of the world so that when they ever have any actual pressure or expectations they'll do what's expected of them anyway:  cry and pull out a machine gun.  Let's take a look at some events in the news about schools lately.

The problems all started a few years back when schools stopped mentioning Christmas.  Christmas, as you all know, is a major holiday in the one religion where everybody tries to be a good person by going out and killing everyone.  Oh wait, that's all of them.  But since it's a religious holiday, schools had to stop mentioning it in order to promote diversity.  Huh?  I guess some kids were offended that they got two weeks off because of someone else's religion.  Hey man, when I was in school, you could give me two weeks off for Satan's Sacrificial Bloodbath and Sodomy Orgy and I would have taken them.  Time off is time off, I don't give a shit what the reason is.  But here's a zany thought:  if the fear is that calling those two weeks off from school "Christmas Break" will cause everyone's head to explode at the thought of another religion existing, why not celebrate all the religions?  Call it Hannukah/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Wackjob Scientologist break or something.  That way everyone feels involved.  Or, just call it "Christmas Break" and tell anyone who objects to shove their "Jolly Ol' St. Nick" up their "chimney."

Schools are jumping on this bandwagon more and more.  Why the hell can't a kid play Dodge Ball?  The answer:  kids are too fat, lazy, and uncoordinated.  No one will give you that answer though, they'll claim it's because it makes kids feel bad about themselves because they're clumsy oafs who have trouble walking in a straight line or that someone might get hurt.  Well here's a wacky fucking thought, if you don't get hit, you won't get hurt.  Hey, maybe I'm just spitballing here, but that just might be where it got its fucking name!  I mean come on now, we used to play Dodge Ball at least once a day when I was in school (just shortly before the Constitution was ratified) and not one kid ever got hurt.  Of course, that's because when I was a kid we actually had reflexes and athletic ability.  We knew that sports were things you played outside in a field, not on a Playstation.  I'll bet it's not even the kids who want to see the game banned so much as the meddlesome parents and teachers.  Pitiful, simply pitiful.  And speaking of pitiful, could that guy in the picture throw any more like a girl?  Maybe that's why they're banning the game.

This was a News item a few weeks ago, or three months ago, or possibly never, I really don't keep track of that kind of crap.  Some schools are banning Tag from ever being played.  Fucking TAG.  The thought (or lack thereof) behind it being that for a child to have to be "it" can cause deep psychological scarring, which can naturally result only in uncontrollable deviant social behavior such as prostitution or voting Democrat.  Of course, this was all pioneered by some fat, ugly dyke who was probably thrust back into her terrible days as a youth when everyone laughed at her nonstop and called her "it" because they couldn't figure out her sex.  So she makes kids stop playing it.  What the shit is up with that?  Why aren't parents doing anything about this?  Oh wait, that's right, because they're too busy getting high off exhaust fumes and ignoring their snot-nosed pukes to bother trying to raise them properly.  Besides, being "it" will teach these kids that the mere thought of their touch makes everyone in the immediate area run away at full speed, a valuable lesson!  What's next, Duck Duck Goose?  Ooooh, it's not fair to have everyone be ducks but one kid be goose.  It'll make them feel like outcasts and they'll go home and cry and eventually become a rampaging drag queen.

You've no doubt heard about this one.  California has ruled that the Pledge of Allegiance is unconstitutional.  In other words, the thing which shows your loyalty to the country goes against the country.  Yeah, that makes sense.  Here's a question, when the fuck are we going to send that fucking state seaworthy?  Not one good damn thing has ever come from California (for instance, Hollywood is there), it's time we got rid of it.  I'm tired of hearing about.  I think Lex Luthor was onto something with his plan to knock it loose.  Plus, he had Valerie Perrine nearby so that was another good plan.  But anyway, getting back on track, I guess the thing they don't like is the "under God" part of it.  Ah, blow it out your ass.  If you don't want to say "under God" then don't fucking say it.  There's no need to remove the whole thing from the schools.  Seriously now, how have we not sent a bomb or two onto that state?  And why was this issue even given any attention in the first place?  Somebody actually went to a court, asked to have the Pledge of Allegiance removed, and they mulled over it for a while, then they had some lunch, then they harassed their secretaries a little, and so on.  Why wasn't this laughed out of court in the first place?  Or more importantly, why weren't the people filing this motion shot on the spot for treason?  I don't know why the "under God" was added in the first place and I don't care.  I certainly don't believe in any "God" (whatever that is), but it never stopped me from saying the line, and I don't see what the problem is with anyone else saying it either.  If it makes everyone happy, we could change it to "in fear of PizzeWig."  That's got a better ring to it anyway.  We should still wipe out California though.

Well that does it.  With this glimpse into the children of today and the thought of them becoming the adults of tomorrow, I think I'll be ingesting about 400 ounces of pure grain alcohol.  Got any more examples of how kids are being led down the wrong path and/or why we should eradicate California once and for all?  Send them to me and make my blood boil even more.

- Danimal