Salutations yet again, my internet clan of soldiers.  Many of you have been in dire need of Eks's services over the last year, but never has any one particular web abode received as much negative attention as the one I visited recently.  The Assassin has received literally dozens of requests to abolish this web abode.  When one site is this despised, Eks is almost tempted to provide his services for free.  Almost.

The site in question is none other than Real Ultimate Power, an abode which claims to be The "Official Ninja Web Abode."  At first, Eks was deeply insulted to find that nowhere was my name mentioned as the foremost stealth assassin in the field of mercenary killers.  However, after close and careful study, The Assassin could only come to one conclusion.

This site, my drones, is a fake.  From the seemingly incoherent jumble of text to the skull splitting music that plays, one would at first assume that this is the work of a child or at least an adult with arrested mental development.  Closer inspection reveals many fallacies about the ninja though.  First of all, ninjas do not kill all the time.  Probably only 85% of a ninjas day is spent dismembering human beings and barnyard fowl.  The rest of the time is spent in the dojo meditating and honing one's skills.  Second, ninjas cannot fly.  True, many have invented rocket powered backpacks, but that is another story.  Third, that story about when I killed the whole town is grossly mistold.  It wasn't because a man dropped a spoon, it was because my food was cold.

The point is, the site was hardly worth my time as it's little more than a desperate cry for attention by associating oneself with the revered warrior that is the ninja.  Or so I thought at first.  As it turns out, this web abode was more insidious than it first appeared.  Closer inspection of the internet revealed that this abode has spawned many clones...

The first Eks located was a hauntingly familiar abode dealing with doctors.  It too claimed to be about "Real Ultimate Power" and was almost identical to the phony ninja web abode.

The next stop was an abode about engineers, who also claim to have "Real Ultimate Power."  This abode bore a striking resemblance to the original, leading Eks to believe that all of these abodes were in cahoots.

I then wandered into an obviously deceptive abode which would have one believer that Korean guys have "Real Ultimate Power."  The abode seems mainly to then insult Koreans, saying that they spend all their time solving math problems and working on their Honda Civic automobiles.  This is not true.  The Assassin has killed many Koreans, and many of them were simply masturbating to hentai cartoons, not engaging in any of the activities listed here.

This next one was again a clear attempt at misdirection, possibly leading to the false confidence of humor.  It states that liquor store clerks contain "Real Ultimate Power," which is certainly not the case.  Most of the liquor store clerks to be unfortunate enough to cross paths with Eks have fallen quite easily.

The last stop on The Assassin's tour was at an abode which said that bums possess "Real Ultimate Power."  It was at this point that it was now clear that none of these abodes was made in any serious attempt to provide information to the masses.  Sure, bums have some power, but real ultimate power?  This is a ridiculous notion to even schoolchildren.

After this journey had ended, Eks decided that it would probably be a good idea to slice the mother abode, hopefully ending all of the other abodes as well.

It was so easy, it was hardly even worth Eks's time.

The Assassin also dealt with a foe on the page who claimed to be a ninja in training.  His training has ended now, let me assure you.

Many of these abodes had the section known as "The Guestbook."  The Assassin would recommend that you go and attack them yourselves.  None of them were even remotely a challenge, and Eks has better things to do than demolish abodes which have already destroyed themselves through their obvious lack of trying.  Still, The Assassin claims victory once again.

- Eks the Assassin

Got a site you'd like Eks to slice?  Send it to him!