Looks like Dante's up to his old tricks again. No matter how hard the
guy tries for a normal life, the people on the internet just don't seem
willing to help him. This time around, it was an email that promised
the one thing all men everywhere want that sparked his interest:
To: The
Danimal
From: penisgrowthcentraleatmefoods@hotmail.com
Subject: A longer penis will please you'r wife much better !!!!
793770
Men's Health Update!
What if we could show you how to EFFECTIVELY add between 1" to 4.5"
to your penis size without surgery, pumps, or other painful methods? Would
you be willing to check it out and try all natural exercise techniques
that could add MAJOR size to your penis?
If you don't think you would like a larger, thicker, stronger penis
you're definitely kidding yourself! Every man on the planet would like
to increase his penis size, and we can show you how!
CLICK HERE
NOW!
First of all, what's the deal with those long strings of numbers always
at the end of the subjects to SPAM emails? What, after typing up
the email, the guy sending it started to go into a seizure of some sort,
causing his hands to type total nonsense? It's the only thing I can
figure. But no matter, this was prime stomping ground for me to put
on the old "Dante C. Raspeller Charm," so after perusing the completely
vague site, I sent a reply.
To: support@ezpenisgrowth.com
From: The Danimal
Subject: Re: A longer penis will please you'r wife much better
!!!!
Hello sirs!
My name is Dante and I have been sent an enthralling email about what
has to be the most fantastic product ever--the power to enlarge my male
genitalia.
I am a Gulf War Veteran and as such have undergone many trials and tribulations
which have left my body in a less than complete shape. As such, my
love life has suffered immeasurably. Speaking of immeasurable, one
of my problems is in my embarrassing genital size. But with the help
of your product, I could be a strapping hunk within moments, yes?
I do hope that this treatment will not interfere with my many medications
I have to take on an hourly basis. I would not want another Assault
& Battery charge on my record, sir! Please let me know if this
is safe to take.
I look forward to hearing from you soon about the safeness and effectiveness
of you product. More importantly, I look forward to having a gargantuan
monster for the lovely ladies who currently spurn me.
Thank you sirs!
Dante C. Raspeller
1st Sgt., U.S. Army
Politeness incarnate, that's me. I was curious to see if they'd even
make any mention of my criminal record. Surprisingly, I got a response
to this within a matter of hours.
To: The
Danimal
From: ezsupport-ezpenisgrowth.com
Subject: Re: A longer penis will please you'r wife much better
!!!!
Hi Dante!!
Our program is a great way to get what you want!!.. EzPenisGrowth Program
just includes exercises to enlarge your penis, no pills, no medicaments,
no sejury... That's because I can tell you that it won't interfere with
your medicaments!!
customer service
Huh? Does anyone have any idea what the hell that says? It
appears to be written in some sort of broken English, possibly by an alien
with no fingers. However, with all those exclamation points, you
know it's got to be good news! The best part is that it requires
no "sejury" and won't interfere with me "medicaments." If I knew
what that meant, I'd be excited.
To: ezsupport-ezpenisgrowth.com
From: The Danimal
Subject: Re: A longer penis will please you'r wife much better
!!!!
Thank you Mr. Customer Service, sir!
Your excited enthusiasm for the product in question leads me to believe
that you are in full support of this product. Can I guess that you
have perhaps tried it before? A testimonial of that nature would
be wonderful, I don't mind telling you, my friend!
So this is all done using exercises? I must admit, following my
painful amputations, I have been doing various exercises such as sit-ups
and the Plates of Steel in Your Head workout tape with great frequency
in order to rehabilitate myself. The doctors say it will only be
another ten or seventy years before I'm back to normal, I cannot wait!
Are these the type of exercises? Or are they more specific, like
doing pushups with my male organ? I could give that a shot if that's
what it takes.
I apologize for asking so many questions, I just wish to make sure that
this is the right product for me, though I don't mind telling you that
I think it is, as do my aquatic wildlife!
Thank you!
Dante C. Raspeller
1st Sgt., U.S. Army
I was hoping to get the guy to write and tell me how he has used this particular,
um, whatever the hell it is before. No dice though. In fact,
it was a woman who wrote back the next day.
To: The
Danimal
From: ezsupport-ezpenisgrowth.com
Subject: Re: A longer penis will please you'r wife much better
!!!!
Hi Mr. Dante!,
I hope i can help you with this email!!
Our site www.ezpenisgrowth.com
is so complete, there you can find all the info that you are looking for!..
the testimonials, the type of the exercises, etc
If after read it you have any more questions, i will be more than gladd
to answer them.
Julie
Customer Service
I don't know. It could just be me, but I don't think any "Julie"
wrote that, unless it's short for Julibrskona Vladskovonovich. I
did go back and check the site again. This wasn't too good since
I was at work and everyone was wondering why I was on a web site that mentioned
the phrase "larger penis" every other sentence. However, I could
find nothing about how these exercises worked. Not even a slight
indication. All I could picture was a person doing pull ups with
their groin. So I wrote back, as "Julie" suggested I do. And
I wrote again. And I wrote some more. All told, I sent my email
twelve times over the course of three days and got no response. Maybe
it's something I said...
To: ezsupport-ezpenisgrowth.com
From: The Danimal
Subject: Re: A longer penis will please you'r wife much better
!!!!
I've sent this a dozen times with no reply. Please don't ignore
me further!
Thank you for your continuing help in this somewhat embracing matter
of minuscule groins!
I have been through the site and found no testimonials or information
on how this product actually works. All I found were several factoids
about average penis size and average time before ejaculation, and those
did was make me jealous! I am very inferior according to those numbers,
sir! How can I possible measure up? Ha ha, measure up, that
is a joke. But this is no laughing matter!
As a veteran of the Gulf War, I am on a very tight budget and am not
privy to spending wild amounts of cash unless it's on the "good time sauce"
which is what I call Benadryl. I would like to be certain this works
before losing my shirt (or perhaps my pants, no? Ha, another joke).
Please let me know soon! The thought of a metaphorical baseball
bat between my legs has me jumping for joy. At least it would if
the war hadn't robbed me of my ankles, ma'am!
Thank you very much, my friends!
Dante C. Raspeller
1st Sgt., U.S. Army
I don't know, I don't see what's so bad about that email. They probably
saw the phrase "not privy to spending wild amounts of cash" and decided
it was time to move on to their other prospective buyers. This of
course came before realizing they had none.
- Danimal
