Let's face it.  I'm a social recluse.  I enjoy video games, Transformers, and building model kits.  Obviously though, when I tell a girl this the sound of her legs slamming shut is deafening, breaking windows and setting off car alarms for miles around.  However, there are certain social lessons to be learned by these hobbies.   Well, I guess that's not entirely true, Transformers can't really help that much.  I'm sure that Wheeljack, even in his infinite wisdom, never spit out tips on how to nail that girl at the gas station.  You know the hot one with visible scars and the three kids.  No Wheeljack didn't care about getting laid he spent his time with the Dinobots and other inventions.  So before I dispense with the bad advice, let me say this.  If you don't like my tips, then I suggest you skip to the "get yourself a gun and some blow" section of my article, it is a proven method that works.

Good you're still here; that means you don't want to get shot which is a good thing because the ONLY thing that turns a woman off more than games and anime is actually being dead.

Step 1 - Begin Easy:  Small inexpensive models are best for just starting out.  Go into a hobby store and you will see simple models and difficult models.  The same holds true for clubs.   You have all seen the girl up there surrounded by guys acting like idiots just to attract her attention.  Admit it, she is out of your reach so DON'T REACH.  She is an example of a difficult model.  Right behind that girl though, is the 40 year old amputee with the matted hair and the eye patch.  She is your easy model.

Step 2 - Do Not Pay Too Much for Your Kit:   Go cheap, expensive models can be screwed up easily, leaving you with worthless plastic and an empty wallet.  High maintenance women will try to get you to max out your credit and separate you from your cash.  When they get their way, you are left with worthless plastic and an empty wallet.  Never spend a lot on a woman, no more than 20 dollars should ever be spent on her for the entire length of time you know her.  Remember you want her hand in your pants, not your bank account.

Step 3 - Make Sure Your Kit is Clean:  Most modelers know that primer sticks better to a freshly washed kit than a kit new out of the box.  I cannot relate this to sex...but being clean is important in two ways. A) Be clean yourself you pig, women don't like guys who smell unless he has great abs or an expensive car.  B) Make sure she is clean.  Do not be afraid to hose her down in the front yard.  Remember despite what the media tells you it is indeed about what you want.  Also here is a list of warning signs that your woman may not be as clean as you want her to be.

• She regularly sprays Raid Bug Killer down her pants (hint: crabs)
• You can hear her screaming while in the bathroom "It Burns It Burns!" (hint: gonorrhea)
• If while you are watching TV and the commercial "call now for a free sample of Valtrex" come on and she asks to borrow your phone.  (hint: herpes)
• While you are rummaging through her purse (without permission of course) and you find a burned spoon and some needles. (hint: heroin addict)
• She mentions being HIV positive in every conversation (hint: HIV positive)

Step Five - Displaying Techniques:  Always display your ugly models behind your good-looking ones.  You don't want the first thing people to see is all of your past mistakes, so put your best foot forward.  Ugly women = ridicule from your friends.  Hot women = cheers and adulation from your friends and strangers.  Do your best to insure that the bad ones are not shown off, in fact unless they are hot don't bother taking her out of the house without a something covering her up and shielding her from public view.

So let's recap:
1) Start slow and easy.
2) Keep your money.
3) Be clean and stay clean.
4) Cover your flaws.
5) Keep her nasty ass out of sight.

If these tips haven't helped you, then consider becoming a coke dealer.

- Jeff