Many times when you watch TV, you see commercials that make big promises.  Be warned!  Many of the products advertised in these commercials don't live up to the promise that the commercials make.  That is why I decided to expose some of these false promises just for you, the readers of Nothing-Sacred.  Here are just a few commercials which make false promises.

What the commercials promise -  Many times you see beer commercials on TV showing men having lots of fun with a group of friends and plenty of attractive women around them, implying that the advertised beer will make you a "life of a party" and a hit with women.

What the product delivers -  If you trust these commercials you will probably go to a bar with a few friends, expecting to enjoy the new life that the advertised beer will bring you.  You will walk into the bar and ask the bartender for a few glasses of the advertised beer.  After drinking these glasses, you will start to feel confident and empowered, and to believe that you can now capture the heart any woman in the bar.  You will walk up to the most attractive woman you will see and try to sweet talk her ("sweet talk" her means use some of your really bad pick up lines like "Wanna see something really swell?" or "Do you have a sewing kit that I can use, because I'm ripped").  After she rejects you, you will walk up to a few more attractive women, only to get rejected by them too.  You will decide that the reason you are not successful in your attempts at wooing women is that you haven't yet had enough of the magic love potion that is the advertised beer.  So you will order a few more glasses of this "magic love potion" and after drinking them, you will lose control of your tongue, saying something to your friends that will offend them so much that they won't speak to you.  At the end of the night you'll be driving home empty-handed and with your friends not speaking to you.  On the way home you will stop at a gas station that is open all night, and pick up a twelve pack of the advertised beer.  When you get home you will drink yourself to sleep.  You will wake up the next morning with your soul aching from loneliness and depression and your body aching from a hangover.

What the commercials promise - You often see SUV commercials on TV that show the advertised SUV riding on impossible terrain with the same ease as it does on a freshly paved highway.  Its passengers are happy and excited about their wild outdoor adventure.  These commercials imply that if you buy the advertised SUV your life will transform from a boring drag to an exciting adventure.

What the product delivers -  If you trust these commercials you will run out the door and buy the advertised SUV.  However, from the time your new SUV rolls from the factory assembly line, until the time it's crushed by one of those giant magnetic things in an auto graveyard somewhere, it will never ride on anything but paved road.  Soon after buying it you will discover that your life that was supposed to become an exciting adventure is still the same.  You are still a couch potato and the only places your new SUV takes you are to and from work on weekdays and to and from the mall on weekends.  You will know that you've been fooled by a lying commercial when you realize that you have spent twice as much on your new SUV as you would have spent if you just bought a sedan, which would serve all your needs every bit as well as your SUV.  In addition you will notice that your new SUV--being the size of an average suburban house--has a poor gas mileage of 10 gpm (that's gpm, which is "gallons per mile," NOT mpg, which is "miles per gallon") and is extremely difficult to park in crowded mall parking lots.  You will feel very foolish, but your pride won't let you admit to your friends and coworkers that you've been duped, so you'll vent your frustration with yourself by complaining about gas prices being ridiculously high, even though gas will still cost half as much as bottled water.

What the commercials promise - Perfume or cologne commercials featuring very attractive people having fun surrounded by equally attractive members of the opposite sex are frequently shown on TV.  These commercials imply that wearing the advertised perfume/cologne will make you a magnet for the opposite sex.

What the product delivers - If you trust these commercials, you will think that the smell advertised perfume/cologne will attract members of the opposite sex to you like the smell of decaying excrement attracts flies.  This will make you want the smell to be strong, so you will apply lots of the advertised perfume/cologne to yourself.  You will then go to a bar with a few of your friends trying to pick up a member of the opposite sex.  But you won't realize that you are reeking of one of the worst odors known to mankind.  Your friends won't want to be around you the entire night and will make any excuses to get away from you.  Members of the opposite sex will run as far away from you as they can.  You will leave the bar alone and depressed.

So the next time you see a TV commercial making a hefty promise, remember: the product it advertises may not live up to that promise!  And don't forget that this article has been brought to you by IcedAlex's humor writings.  They are the funniest thing you will ever see.

- IcedAlex