Hola, mis amigos!  I hope that you all had a muy feliz navidad and celbrated the birth of Jesús Cristo in an approprate fashion.  I was very pleased with the fun gifts I received, such as pistolas nuevas y muchos municiónes.  Now my Año Nuevo will be much fun for all parties concerned.  I also had a large quantity of cerveza y tequilla, the drink of los dioses.  It was un buen tiempo for all involved.

I also received much cartas electrónicas from mi familia.  Por ejemplo, mi prima Imelda and her esposo José sent me this greeting and warm wishing for the holiday season:

Imelda & me would like to wish everyone a very safe and happy holdiday season.  Some of you we will be fortunate enough to visit during the next  few weeks.  However, for those we can not see in person we want to let you know you are in our thoughts and we wish you the very best.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I think it can go without saying that this particular greeting was written by su esposo and not Imelda.  One can tell this by simply looking at the muchas, muchas mistakes readily apparent to the educated eye.  Pobresito, he is only a gringo.  Despite our pleading not to marry the burro, she did anyway.  Imelda, you have broken the heart of la familia like a fine china plate across hot coals.  Paga atención, gringo...

"Imelda & me" - It is "Imelda and I," muchacho.  Since ustedes son the subject of the sentence, you should usar the subject for of personal pronouns.
"happy holdiday season" - While these are truly warm sentiments, you misspelled "holiday," tonto.  Try harder next time, por favor.
"Some of you we will be fortunate enough to visit" - Are you saying that we will be lucky enough to see you, tirón?  I do not consider gringos coming a mi casa very lucky, my friend.  Creo que you meant you'd be lucky enough to see us, but that sentence makes no sense in that manner.  You si escribe "We will be fortunate enough to visit some of you."
"we want to let you know you are in our thoughts" - It should be "let you know that you are in our thoughts," mi perro pequeño.

I also got a letter from one of my estudiantes del internet named Dean.  This particular gringo wrote to tell me how he "siente mi dolor."

Dear highly esteemed Grammar Bandito,

I think I understand now why you've found it necessary to educate the masses on proper grammar usage.  I've come across two mistakes that especially irritate me:

1.  "Seperate."  What the hell is a seperate?  I've never seen one.  Don't these people realize how stupid they look when they write this?  I guess that technically this isn't a grammar mistake, but I see it so often that I wanted to mention it (Maybe you'd like to devote a lesson to misspellings).

2.  "I could care less."  (If you could care less, then why do you find it so important to tell me?)  I think that in the last 10 or 15 years I've heard the correct form of this expression only once.  And that was only after the person said it wrong and then corrected herself!  I was shocked.

So one day recently, probably after reading "seperate" a few times on someone's website, I said to myself, "Ah!  That's why the grammar bandito writes those grammar lessons."  I would do the same.

Muchas gracias, Dean.  Your letra strains credulity with the part about the gringa correcting herself.  We both know that no gringo ever corrects mistakes, only pretends que nunca ocurrió.  You are very right in the fact that many gringos cannot spell though.  I find that many gringos misspell the word "lose," as in "to not win," which many gringos excel at when it comes to futbol.  Very often, they spell it "loose" which would more accurately describe las mujeres americanas.  I do not believe I could devote entera una lección to misspellings, but I will keep an eye out for them.

Many colloquial frases of the gringos are misused.  I find this curious since it's the gringos who invented them.  Dean mentioned "could care less" which should actually be "couldn't care less" but los gringos son tan estúpidos que they do not understand this.  Here is another one received in a recent email about a party mis amigos wanted me to attend.

There will be goodies.  First come, first serve.

Perhaps it is just myself speaking as a young calf in the path of the farmer's hacksaw, but I do not wish to attend una fiesta where I am expected to serve anything.  Cuando recibo an invitation como eso, I throw it into my nearest trash receptacle.  Or else I make plans to be muy, muy tarde so that I am not the first one there.  If I were to arrive first, it would mean I would have to serve the others and that is an activity reserves only for las mujeres and los gringos.  Of course, what my dense gringa amiga meant to say was "first come, first served" which means that the sooner you get there, the better the selection.  It also contained an increasingly popular phrase:

...5 month anniversary...

¡Ay caramba, idiota!  This is one which annoys me to the very cockles of my intestines.  Please escuchame, you mindless gringos:  there is no such cosa as a "month anniversary."  The word anniversary, like so many of la lengua inglés, comes from latin, the foundation of español.  "Annus" or "year," and "verto" or "to turn."  In other words, the passage of un año.  It is muy importante that you understand this.  An anniversay no celebra the passage of time but the passage of exactly one year.  Therefore, no se puedes celebrar a "5 mes anniversary" porque no such thing exists.  I realize that most gringos no se importa how stupid they appear, but at least try to get this one simple request correct for once.

Bién, I have taken my fill of las letras for now.  I must now return to mi cerveza y taquitos in preparation for the Año Nuevo Fiesta which is just around the city street.  I shall have a loud and rowdy good time at the expense of the gringos which will be terrorized.  Salúd!

- Señor Palabras