Buenos dias, everyone (or buenos noches for all you chupacabras out there).  It pleases my heart deeply to see that ustedes todavia write me with your many questions of grammatical importance, yet I am saddened by the lack of improvement in the grammar I escuchar y leer from day to day.  Many times throughout the course of mi vida feliz I am interrupted by the maddening stupidity of the muchos gringos estupidos that are everywhere.  I know this is a time for much mourning and grief and sorrow, so I shall attempt to keep the tone light and muy divertido as I point out how dumb you all are, bién?

Hola, senor! (No, I don't know how to quickly use the spanish n-tilde or vowel-accent symbols. Sue me.)  Just had a few quick preguntas for you, as you seem to be the alpha-male of linguists represented on the site.

Actually, I am a linguist, and grammar (of the English variety) always has my brain in a knot. Decipherment of these secrets of the language is always my goal.  Enough chat--on with the question!

Let us analyze the word 'humility.' Take its verb form, 'humiliate,' or, 'to give humility.' Now, there's a popular sub-use of this word, 'humiliation,' which I've noticed is frequently used where the root, 'humility,' would perhaps be the correct form. For example, the sentence 'Spare me the humiliation of revealing my actual age!' may instead be correct as, 'Spare me the humility of revealing my secret plan to dominate the world!' Por favor, enlighten me on el uso corecto! (By the way, I apologize for what is likely to be horrible use of Spanish; it's been years since I've stretched that part of my brain.)

...I knew I had more questions, but they escape me at the moment...

More to come as I actually become more educated in the field of linguistics!

There is much to discuss regarding this question of yours.  I must point out that inglés has been known to throw many a gringo for a loop, so yo deseo que you will not become as flustered as a bull in a mattress factory.

In any event, let us empezár, bién?  Your pregunta is not valid, muchacha.  Unfortuately, hay una diferencia between the words "humility" y "humiliate," depsite their similar origin.  Humility is the quality or trait of modesty, or downplaying one's accomplishments.  A lack of pride, if you will.  Al contrario, humiliation is the act of being made to feel ashamed or embarrassed.  Los dos no son mismos.

In your example, the correct word would be "humiliation," not "humility," as tu hablas de avoiding embarassment.

I hope this has been some help to you.  Also, I gathered from your email que tu eres una mujer.  I hope this is correct.  If not, my deepest apologies, it was not intentional.

Upon further looking at this letra de la gringa of much confusion, I noticed a few other critical errors that are very common.  Let us cover them for entertainment value, yes?  Very well then, muchahcos!

Primero, when puting quotes around a word to show that it is just a word and not part of the sentence, debes usar quoatation marks, not apostrophes.  I am muy orgulloso que you correctly put the quotes on the outside of the other punctuation, such as the period.  Pero, you did not fare as well en usando los parentheses.  When separating a thought with parentheses (como eso, por ejemplo), the punctuation goes on the outside of the parentheses (like will happen al fin de eso sentence).  Y you should nunca put a parenthetical sentence after a period:

WRONG:  I wish to ride my burro to the watering hole.  (Él tiene mucho sed)
RIGHT:  I wish to ride your burro to the watering hole, so hand him over (or I'll draw my big knife for your stabbing pleasure).

You see?  And por fin, please recall that después de ending punctuation marks, such as the vernerable period, you should put two spaces, not just one space.  And by the way, not estoy seguro de what an "alpha male" is, but if it means "man of great stature and pistolas," I am definitely your alpha male, señorita.

Please, Grammar Bandito, explain to me the difference between the pronouns "me" and "I," and tell me when I should use one or the other?  When people say "just between you and me" it sends chills up my spine.

The difference between those two words is like la diferéncia between horchata y cerveza, mi amigo.  What you are talking about are personal pronouns and how to use them as either a subject or an object.  Please try to remember this for me:  "I, you, he, she, we, they" are all pronouns used as subjects while "me, you, him, her, us, them" are all objects.  Since I know que ahora mismo you are all scratching your heads with much uncertainty over what a subject or object is, permit me to tell you.  A subject is the noun in a sentece which is acting, while the object is the noun upon which the subject is acting.  So, por ejemplo, in el frase "Jorge robbed Jaime," Jorge is the subject and Jaime is the object.  Even when you switch their order to "Jaime got robbed by Jorge," Jorge is still the subject and Jaime is still the object.  It is how a noun relates to a verb that determines its status as object or subject, not where it is located in the overall scheme.

So, mis galletas, "just between you and me" is correct because "you and me" are the object of the sentence.  Diciendo "you and I" is the sure mark of a mono for certain.  Hay muchos other examples, such as:

WRONG:  Hector and him when to the store.
RIGHT:  Hector and he robbed the store.

WRONG:  Those flowers are for Marisela and she.
RIGHT:  Those flowers are for Marisela and her, to melt them with passion.

WRONG:  Yes, it is me.
RIGHT:  Yes, it is I who is escaping with a sack of dinero.

That last one brings up a point of interest, mis caballos.  When you are saying what something is, that "something" siempre es the subject, no matter how the sentence is worded.  Be it "I am it" or "It is I," "I" is the subject of the sentence.  Remember, it's how the noun relates to the verb, not donde está in the sentence.  Read these and understand:

PEDRO:  Are those the cars we shall use for our getaway?
PACO:  Yes, those are they.

ROSA:  Is that Isabel over there in the light blue dress with many men trying to sneak the peek?
BLANCA:  Yes, that is she.

Get it now, gringos?  I'm sure you do, it is very much easy, to the point of being funny like a drunken sailor atop a slick surface.  Remember to write me more of your questions.  If I can reach just one gringo out there, then it's still not good enough.  Hasta luego!

- Señor Palabras