A lot is going on in the world around us.  Most of it is just the usual trivial nonsense, but every once in a while you get something which really makes you stop, take notice, and load your gun.  No really, let's take a quick peek at the wacky world of current events (which aren't all that current).

Yes!  They finally offed this clown.  As you may or may not already be aware, I am in favor of the death penalty, though I must restate that whether you are or aren't really isn't a question, because almost everyone everywhere has capital punishment.  In any event, the usual bunch of nonsense occurred this time around.  Here is a worthless member of society who has no place breathing the same oxygen as a maggot.  He's killed over 160 innocent people for reasons no one will probably ever know or understand.  At the time, it's a tragedy and he's evil and he needs to be punished.  But then, time passes.  The man is shown at trial, looking remorseful, looking sad, looking vulnerable.  What happens?  We change our tune as quickly as possible.  Hey, maybe he's NOT such a bad guy after all.  Maybe he just had a bad day.  In other words, we forget about the horror and tragedy that this cretin inflicted upon the public and begin to actually feel pity for him!  Yeah, shit on it, who cares about the victims, let's feel sorry for this slimeball in a sea of pus.  That's a good plan.  You know what?  He's dead, and no one's any worse for it.  He contributed nothing, and he never would.  He's foul, despicable person who deserves worse than death, but death will suffice.

For a large chunk of my life, I've heard people debate the value of legalizing marijuana.  This is a hot topic for some reason, and I've never understood in the slightest why the issue is even given the dignity of being discussed.  Smoking pot is in no way beneficial to society, and in fact can be destructive.  The most obvious of its negative influences is the fact that it leads to harder drug use.  Oh sure, this has never been proven, largely because no one's ever tried.  Everyone knows it's true anyway, so let's quit hiding behind this bullshit technicality.  Since we all know that smoking pot leads to doing harder drugs, it follows that legalizing pot will in turn lead to legalizing harder drugs.  Most people always want to throw qualifiers on there too.  "Oh, I think it should be legal, but I don't want my doctor smoking it just before I go under."  Sorry, fucko, you don't get it both ways.  You know what, I hope if it ever does become legal (which, not coincidentally is the same day I move out of the country and then bomb it off the map) that people get killed by the thousands, maybe even the millions due to its misuse.  And don't talk to me about its medicinal value or you're going to end up needing something of medicinal value when I finish with you.  It's a sad state of the nation when we're more concerned with bullshit like legalizing drugs than the fact that a sack of dead gerbils could get a higher grade on a test than your average high school senior or when pastries can out read children.  Our society is falling into shambles more and more rapidly with each passing day, and we're looking to legalize drugs?!?  What more can be said than that?

Yes!  The Colorado Avalanche, the greatest team ever in the history of the game, has won the Stanley Cup, the hardest-earned trophy in any sport.  Of course, you probably wouldn't have known it if you watched the game, since the announcers pulled their usual act of praising the other team to no end while simultaneously insulting every move Colorado makes.  Here's a typical transaction:

ANNOUNCER #1:  Did you see the way that Jason Arnott totally missed that shot?  He was teasing Roy is what it was.  He was giving him a false sense of security by allowing Roy to make that incredibly easy diving save on his head with no leg by catching the puck with his teeth.
ANNOUNCER #2:  It was a laser!  Poetry in motion!
ANNOUNCER #1:  Wow!  Martin Brodeur just allowed a goal with such delicate grace and seamless fluidity, it should really count as a goal for New Jersey.  He must be hurt to allow 5 goals, because there's no way it could be that Colorado's a better team.
ANNOUNCER #2:  Brodeur's simply having an amazing series, the numbers don't lie.  He's allowed only 14 of the past 15 shots to get by him.  Patrick Roy can't compare to that.  He's stopped just a paltry 150 of 151 shots.  He should be bludgeoned.
ANNOUNCER #1:  By the way, while you were talking about Super God Martin Brodeur, Colorado scored like 8 or 9 more times, but who cares?

It's sickening.  Every time Colorado does something well, there's always an excuse for the other team.  Now, in this case it was the New Jersey Devils, but it could just have easily been the Hitler Pedophile Hellspawn and they still would have been treated like saints next to the Avalanche.  It really gets sickening.

Then, the Avalanche win the series.  Joe Sakic scored more goals than anyone in the playoffs.  Adam Foote logged more ice time and had more great defensive plays than anyone in the playoffs.  Undeniably greatest goaltender of all time Patrick Roy won the Conn Smythe (M.V.P. of the playoffs) for the third time, which is more than any other player--that includes Gretsky, Lemieux, Orr, anyone--in the history of the game.  Yet after the game, all you heard about was Raymond Bourque.  Yes, Bourque finally realized a dream.  Yes, it was a great moment for him.  Does that mean the rest of the team no longer exists?  In interviewing Roy, the most valuable player in PLAYOFF HISTORY, all they asked him was how Bourque must be feeling right now.  Man, talk about taking the wind out of your sails.  What about Rob Blake?  He's played a decade without a cup, doesn't that count for anything now that he has it?  And it goes without saying that no one even bothered to stick a microphone in Drury's face, with all those game winning goals he posted.  Or Shjon Podein, who took lumps left and right to draw penalties for his team.  BAH, they don't exist.  And even if they did, they would have just asked about Bourque anyway.  Man oh man, does the media suck or what?

This is the least newsworthy event in the history of the universe, and yet everywhere you look, you're accosted by some story about this "tragic" breakup.  Let's face it, there's only so long that this farce could continue.  Nobody anywhere believed for a second that this was a real marriage, or that either of these two were remotely heterosexual.  Setting that aside, who gives a shit?  What, are these the only two people to ever get divorced?  No, not even close.  This same bullshit happened when Demi Moore and Bruce Willis got divorced.  I guess we're supposed to care when it happens to stuck-up, pompous, rich, drug addicted celebrities, but when it happens to your next door neighbor, shit on it.  And how about this Katie Couric crap?  Christ, her husband died what, three years ago, and we're still hearing about it?  For fuck's sake, who give's a rat's ass?  I mean, I can understand it, since she is the only person on Earth who ever had a spouse die, so I can see why we devote so much time to her and her "heart warming tale of overcoming tragedy."  Bunch of bullshit.

You've got to love that super cool, fresh, original show Jackass.  If you're unfamiliar with it, it's The Tom Green Show with a different cast of characters.  The main difference is that Tom Green's show had more comedy, and not nearly as insane a cult following.  And I mean insane.  You see, the gist of the show is that these young morons go around and do moronic things and no one cares because it's a chunky hunk of monkey spunk.  Well, some people care.  Namely, other morons.  You are hearing all the time about shithead kids going out and trying to pull off their own "Jackass-like stunts" without realizing that there's a reason the show is called Jackass.  Typically these stunts involve having their friend drive a truck over their skull while soaking their genitals in acid and filling their mouths with hot tar and killer wasps.  Then, when they--surprise, surprise--get injured, the world has to pause.  We're supposed to feel sorry for these nitwits, and their parents and society in general actually blame the show!  Huh?  How does this work?  A kid lights himself on fire because he's too stupid not to and the show is to blame?  Can anyone explain that?  No, you can't so don't even try.  And don't go blaming the parents either.  If that kid is too fucking vacant to know that setting yourself aflame is not usually the most ideal thing to do, it's his own fucking fault when he ends up a sizzling fajita.  Same shit goes for this backyard wrestling nonsense.  You know what, I say we should be encouraging this kind of behavior...it'll weed out the imbeciles.

Vision...blurring...  Rage...building...  Urge to kill...impossible to control...  I'm pretty sure that the pounding in my chest is letting me know that I've gone on long enough at this point.  There's plenty more to discuss, but the imminent embolism is preventing me from continuing.

- Danimal

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