¡¿Qué pasa, mis amigos?!  It is time otra vez for me to try and teach you filthy gringos some inglés.  I would appreciate it if you could pay attention, por favor.  Today's lesson is going to be a bit different from the last time, porque I've found lots of problems recently with the way you pronounce the names of your cities and states.  Keep in mind that gringos stole the names of cities and states almost entirely from the Latinos, so I think that I am in a good position to teach you how to say these things properly.  Let us begin, ahora mismo!  But first, think about this:  is the capital of Kentucky pronounced "loo - is - vil" or "loo - ee - vil?"

I have heard many, many gringos pronounce this state "miz - ur - ah" despite the fact that any payaso can see that it ends in an "i."  This tells even a common, simple, peace loving muchacho like myself that the way to pronounce it is "miz - ur - ee."  Of course, I realize that most gringos from that area do not have the fine quality escuelas like we have in Mejico, so that's why they are unable to pronounce it correctly.  Actually, to be totally correct, the way to pronounce it, as well as the word that describe's that state's living conditions, is "miz - ur- ee."

This one can really make me loco sometime.  To anyone with a cerebro, that state is clearly pronounced "loo - ee - zee - a - na," yet most people in the Estados Unidos always pronounce it "looz - ee - a - na."  ¿Por qué?  How can anyone be so dumb?  In any case, you're saying it wrong, so please try to do a little bit better next time, bién?  Now, that star on the map stands for a city by the name of New Orleans.  Most of your less educated gringos prnounce this as "naw - linz."  This I understand because the people who live there are muy, muy estupido.  However, more and more gringos are saying it that way, as if it makes them "cool" to say something deliberately wrong.  Pay attention, gringos--it's pronounced "nu - or - lee - unz."  Anything else is just the act of a maricon.

Dios mio, another midwestern state!  Ustedes have muchas problemas in that area of your country.  Many, many idiots pronounce this state "il - i - noiz" when it is known by even the lowliest of perros that it is "il - i - noy."  The star is of course the city of Chicago, one of the three biggest in the nation, one with many reputations for gangsters, architecture, and the tallest building in the world.  Why is then that no one can say it right?  Most every gringo on Earth says "shi - cah - go" when it's well known by all but the dumbest of vermin that the city's name is pronounced "shi - caw - go."  Sí, es verdad.  At the very southern tip of the state is a city named Cairo, which obviously got its name from the Egyption city and is said "ki - row."  But the gringos there, being of the lowest caliber of intelligence, say it "kay - row."  They actually laugh at you for saying it right, because they're all perdidores.

Thinking about how you gringos americanos speak like you have a mouth full of guano is making me angry.  How can you not pronounce your own names correctly?  That reminds me, here's a few more words you stupid gringos always mispronounce:

Realtor - pronounced "ree - ul - ter," you dummies say "ree - luh - ter."
Jewelry - just like it looks, it's "ju - wul - ree," not "ju - ler - ee."
Foliage - again, it's just like it looks, "fo - lee - ej," not "foy - lej."
Nuclear - "nu - klee - ur," not "nu - kyu - ler"
Detail - "dee - tayl" not "dee - tayl"
Address - "uh - dres" is a verb, not a noun.  You want to know someone's "a - dres," not "uh - dres"

OK, that's enough for ahora.  I need to catch a good siesta and then hit the tequilla, though maybe not in that order.  If you have any cities, states, countries, or other locations people always say incorrectly, please send them to me.  ¡Muchas Grácias!

- Señor Palabras

(by the way, the capital of Kentucky is pronounced "frank - fort")